


Pixie Dust

by littleisis13



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleisis13/pseuds/littleisis13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What did you see?” Emma prodded calmly.<br/>Tinkerbell adjusted her blouse nervously. “Pixies.”<br/>Mary Margaret and Regina’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Pixies?” Emma asked, clueless.<br/>Tinkerbell began to visibly shake. “It’s not that they’re evil, per se… they’re just… completely chaotic. They feed on pleasure and debauchery and they leave a path of destruction in their wake.” Swanqueen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** Disclaimer ** **: I have no intent to profit from this story and am merely borrowing from the _Once Upon a Time_ Fandom. **

****

** Summary ** **: Five years after rescuing Henry from Neverland, things in Storybrooke have changed. Henry is a brooding teenager and when he goes missing once again, Regina and Emma will have to rely on each other to find him in more ways than they’ve ever had to.**

** A/N ** **: I originally had this story posted on FF but decided I would rather keep it here on AO3. Since Pixie_a_la_mode is not a Oncer, I don’t have a beta for this story and that isn’t easy for me since I’m so used to having her give me feedback. But every time she reads it she’s like “IDK wut’s going on.” If anyone wants to fill her shoes and help me out, that would be swell.**

* * *

            One year after the fact, and Emma still missed her old bug. The old gal had finally given up after Henry had driven her into a stop sign during a driving lesson. She still had a bug, but it was newer and didn’t sputter, chug and groan loudly enough to alert and annoy Regina to her presence as she zoomed recklessly into her driveway.

            “Where are you, anyway?” Emma muttered as she knocked on the older woman’s door and received no answer. She decided to see if she was out back in her garden or with the horses and looped around the huge house until she heard children giggling.

            Henry had decided to live with Emma after they’d returned from Neverland. He was twelve at the time and legally old enough to decide on his own anyway, so the former Evil Queen had agreed with surprisingly little backlash. He still saw her several times a week and sometimes stayed with her on the weekends, particularly when Emma and Neal were fighting. But since she was no longer Mayor, Regina still found other ways to occupy her time and there was now a small pasture and barn in her expanded backyard with three meticulously cared for horses.

            Emma soon discovered the source of the giggling. Several small children had gathered around Regina’s favorite stallion and were decorating the huge white horse with glitter on her hooves, a clown wig on top of her mane and balloon face paints on her muzzle. The horse merely grazed good-naturedly as they decorated him. He was a sharp contrast to his owner—even-tempered and patient.

            The sheriff grinned and leaned on the fence to watch. Several years ago no one would have dared cross Regina, much less prank her, but these kids in particular were too young to remember her at her most fearsome.

            They were just beginning to tie ribbons in a flicking white tail when Regina appeared in a billowing cloud of purple smoke. “Fools!” she yelled, her eyes flashing. “Release my steed or face my wrath!”

            The children squealed and giggled as they took off for the woods and Emma caught the faintest glimmer of amusement or something like it in Regina’s eyes before she turned and glared at the blonde.

            “You kids be careful!” Emma called to the children lazily. A faint chorus of “Yes!” and “We will, Miss Emma!” faded away as Regina strode towards her, dark eyes smoldering. The years had softened both Emma and Regina’s hard edges somewhat—the former mayor dressed somewhat more domestically than she once had, trading her intimidating suits and fuck-me heels for more simple jewel-toned dresses, pearl necklaces and the occasional cardigan. Her hair now nearly touched her shoulders in gentle waves and at times she almost appeared to have a pleasant demeanor. But of course, she was Regina and that impression usually evaporated the moment she opened her mouth.

            “I see you’re setting an excellent example for Storybrooke’s children as usual, Emma,” Regina said as she gestured to her ridiculously attired horse. “By allowing them to vandalize my property without a single reproach.”

            Emma grinned and approached the beast to stroke his muzzle. “I know a couple of those kids are in my girls scout troupe. I’ll have to make sure they get their community service badges.”

            Regina smiled one of her old politician smiles. The one that could make little kids pee their pants and grown men run away screaming in the opposite direction. Emma was too used to it to be affected. “I was just about to take Cloud for a ride in the woods. Now I have to clean him up and groom him all over again.”

            “Why bother?” Emma shrugged. “Ride him as-is. It suits you. Besides, I actually stopped over to see if you wanted some company.”

            “I don’t.” Regina growled.

            “Too bad. I’m riding with you anyway,” Emma replied as she made her way to the barn to saddle up one of Regina’s mares.

“And to what do I owe this annoying and rude pleasure?” Regina asked Emma’s retreating back.

            “I need some private time with you to talk about our son,” Emma said over her shoulder. “And it needs to happen now.”

 

* * *

 Emma had come up with both of the names for Regina’s other two horses—Euphoria and Paranoia. She didn’t want to know where her inspiration had come from and didn’t ask, though she’d made sure to throw a few derogatory remarks about drug abuse the Savior’s way when Henry was out of earshot.

            They were both barely older than fillies, but Paranoia—a lovely chestnut with a star on her forehead—was skittish around anyone but Emma and so only she rode her. It didn’t bother Regina since she’d secretly gotten her and Euphoria specifically for her and Henry to ride, though she’d never admit to it. She pretended not to be aware of a number of things—such as the reason for Emma’s frequent visits. There was always an excuse about wanting to learn to canter, borrowing milk or needing advice about a spell but it was really because Snow and Charming wanted to sheriff to make sure she wasn’t up to any funny business during her rehabilitation from the long process or atoning for her crimes. And Henry wanted her to make sure she was doing all right.

Emma was aware than Regina was aware of all this but they both simply pretended she wasn’t. The fallen Queen eyed her blonde companion wearily. Gone were the once wild, unruly curls as she had kept her hair straight and often wore a headband or other foolish accessory that made her look like a brainless cheerleader. She had long since replaced her red leather jacket with a plain high-collared denim. She wore the late Rumplestilskin’s old pocket watch at her hip—presumably a spoil of her failed relationship with Baelfire—and form-fitting khaki slacks. Motherhood had rearranged her priorities and it showed. It had been the brief look of concern in her eyes that worried Regina. The lost-girl scowl that had seemed permanently etched to her face when she first came to Storybrooke was back, but it disappeared as she glanced over at Regina and contorted her face as she tried not to laugh.

            “Not a word, Sherrif,” Regina barked. “You’re the one who made me ride Cloud before I could rid him of this stupid carnival get-up.”

            “Yeah, sorry,” Emma snickered. They steered Cloud and Paranoia through low-hanging branches and over tree roots at a slow trot, since Emma wasn’t a very experienced rider. The sun was beginning to set behind the trees as twilight approached. “It’s just that I’ve always dreamed of my Queen coming to rescue me on such a noble steed.” She laughed and added, “The look on your face… it’s priceless!”

            She whipped her phone out. “I have to take a picture and snapchat it to Mary Margaret!”

            She raised to device and made to snap a photo, but Regina waved her hand in annoyance and in a flash of purple Emma’s phone turned into a banana. “There.” Regina grumbled. “Now all you have to do is scratch your ass and you’ll be the ape I always knew you could be. Now kindly explain what’s going on with our son that’s caused you to disturb my solitude.”

            Emma shrugged and stashed the banana in her back pocket. “You’re right, Regina. It’s time to stop horsing around.” And then she was off on another laughing fit. Even Paranoia uttered a soft whinny that sounded like a chortle underneath her.

            “Sheriff!” Regina hissed. “Don’t make me incinerate you!”

            “All right, all right. Geez louise,” Emma said, wiping away tears of mirth from the corners of her eyes. She slowly become more serious, lowering her head so a curtain of blonde hair partially covered the setting sun’s shadows dancing off her high cheekbones. “It’s Henry,” she said finally. “The way he’s been acting.”

            Regina had noticed their boy growing distant and quiet over the past year. “Dr. Hopper said it’s probably a phase,” she reassured the blonde. “It’s common for bright teenage boys like him to become somewhat sullen.”

            Emma shook her head, frowning. “It’s more than that. Mary Margaret said she found an empty bottle of tequila in his backpack yesterday.”

            “What was that imbecile doing in his backpack?” Regina asked, hiding her concern.

            “I don’t know. She said he was withdrawn at school.”

            Regina rolled her eyes. “Sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. Typical Snow White.”

            “She’s his grandmother!” Emma defended her mother reflexively.

            “Yes, well, I’m technically your grandmother but you don’t see me digging through your belongings,” Regina replied smugly.

            “Step-grandmother, barely,” Emma amended. “And you actually do do that. All the time. My grandmother! Are you high? I don’t see you baking me brownies, unless you’re trying to poison me. Not to mention you’re physically about five years older than me. My grandmother! That’s rich. If Regina Mills is my grams than Leroy is my designated driver! That is the biggest load of—

            “All right, all right! I get it!” Regina barked. “Henry? You were saying?”

“Right,” Emma resumed her story. “Henry says it wasn’t his.”

            “Then it wasn’t,” Regina said. Now that his mothers raised him on a joint-custody basis, Henry wasn’t known to lie.

            “I’m inclined to agree,” Emma replied. “You raised him, and you’re both a couple of major-league pixies. But… I don’t know. I was pretty bad at his age.”

            Regina considered that for a moment. After all, genetically Henry _was_ Emma’s son. She imagined there were worse things that could be found in 17-year-old Emma Swan’s backpack than a liquor bottle.

            “I think,” Emma said. “He needs, I dunno, a male influence in his life.”

            “Oh, Emma,” Regina shook her head. “It’s been a year since Neal left. Besides, he’s got a fine example of masculine influence in you, Dear.”

            “Har de har har,” Emma retorted. “But seriously, I think… he’s resentful of me.” She frowned. “Maybe he blames me for me and his dad splitting up. The other day he told me he wants to go live with him, and that’s what concerns me.”

            “Absolutely not!” Regina almost yelled. She made an effort not to fly off the handle so as not to startle the horses. She tried to pat Cloud affectionately and got glitter on her hands. “Rumple’s son? Never! Besides, Neal never stays in one place for long. That’s not a good environment for Henry. He needs stability. I absolutely forbid it!”

            “Regina, forbidding it isn’t the answer,” Emma’s expression was pained. “Remember what Dr. Hopper said? You’ll just end up pushing him further away! He’s probably just… who the hell knows? Maybe he wants to go on fairy tale adventures again. He’s been through a lot. He might just want to escape the reality of a broken home.”

            Regina sighed. “Well, there are no happy endings in this world. The whole reason we decided to stay in Storybrooke instead of the Enchanted Forest was so he could avoid going through what we went through.” She paused for a moment, waiting for the sudden burst of emotion to pass. The Cricket had helped her gain control of her volatile disposition somewhat, but some things never left you. Even thinking about the Enchanted Forest caused the Evil Queen inside of her to stir. “If he wants to go on adventures, he can wait until he’s eighteen.”

            “Or never,” Emma agreed. “Aren’t there any… spells?”

            “I suppose we could an enchant an object that would track him and give it to him as a gift. He’s been bugging me for a new pair of kicks.”

            “Sounds morally iffy,” Emma mused. “But we have a teenager, so all bets are off.”

            After that it was getting too dark to continue riding, so they would have to resume parenting strategies the following day. Emma helped Regina feed and bathe the horses before returning home.

            Regina went inside and poured herself a generous glass of cider—they were always generous these days—and set to work on finding an appropriate tracking spell for her son. She was just about to turn in when the brunette’s cell phone rang.

            “I hope you butt dialed me Sheriff,” the Dark Queen slurred into the phone. She’d admittedly had one too many while going through her spellbooks. “It’s late.”  

            “It took me forever to turn my banana back into a phone you lunatic!” Emma shrieked on the other line. “It’s Henry! Regina, he’s missing!” 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don’t normally like adding song lyrics to my stories cuz I think it’s corny but I was listening to Pandora the other day and I thought _Eyes on Fire_ by Blue Foundation is a good song for the swanqueen fandom. **

**_I'll seek you out_ **

**_Flay you alive_ **

**_One more word and you won't survive_ **

**_And I'm not scared_ **

**_Of your stolen power_ **

**_I see right through you any hour_ **

* * *

 

By the time Emma poofed to Regina’s house in a cloud of light blue smoke, the older woman was nowhere to be found. Typical. Fearing the worse, she took off through the front door and down the street. She could have poofed to her parent’s house too, but since they’d moved down the street from Regina to “keep and eye on her” (Regina insisted they had actually done it to annoy her) and subleted Mary Margaret’s apartment to Emma, the blonde didn’t see the point. Poofing a block away was the kind of overuse of magic that Henry had made both her and Regina promise not to indulge in.

            Then again, as the Charming’s house came into view, she began to think maybe she should have overindulged. It had been at least a year since Regina had driven her Benz through their front door. They’d been doing so well.

            “How could you have let him wander off!” she could hear Regina shrieking. As she squeezed her way past the Mercedes over debri and drywall, she saw Mary Margaret try to pick up one of her shattered front double doors, perhaps to use as a shield. Regina’s hands were raised in combat. Her dark eyes were wild and the beginnings of bright flames were forming in her palms.

            “He was upstairs in his room the whole time!” Mary Margaret shouted back. “He probably just went for one of his walks! Did you check and see if Euphoria was in her stable?”

            “YES, you idiot!” Regina howled. Emma sighed and raised her own hands. One of the reasons she’d decided to continue studying magic upon returning to Storybook was because true love magic like hers was primarily defensive. It kept her son’s mother in line at times like these.

            “You might not want to use a wooden door as a shield against fireballs, ma,” Emma said as her wrists shivered with chills and ice balls formed in her palms. She tossed them at Regina’s hands and the fireballs fizzled out with a hiss. Seeing this, Regina gave up on magic and decided to lung at her step-daughter with fists that were still steaming.

            Emma intercepted again and jumped in front of her mother, shoving Regina back. “Relax, Regina!” she yelled.

            “Relax?” the brunette stared at her in disbelief. “My son is missing!”

            “Freaking out isn’t going to solve anything. Let’s just calm down and find him, okay? We’ll find him, Regina. We will always find him.”

            Regina’s eyes narrowed in disgust at Emma’s use of her parents’ patented saying. “Golly gee,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “ _Will_ we, Emma?”

            Mary Margaret tossed the door aside and dusted herself off. “He’s not a little kid anymore, Regina. And he’s… well, you know he can handle himself.”

            The three of them fell silent for a moment at Snow’s unspoken statement about Henry.

            “Not necessarily,” someone else piped up. Tinkerbell, appearing suddenly, made her way through the hole in Mary Margaret’s wall, her face pale. There were leaves stuck in her hair and it looked as though she’d just seen a ghost.

            “When did Tinkerbell get here?” Snow asked no one in particular.

            Regina dismissed Snow with a wave of her hand that caused a lamp in the corner of the living room to explode. She turned to her old friend. “You saw Henry?”

            Tinkerbell nodded. “Yes, I did. I was gathering night berries in the woods for Granny when I saw him meandering along, looking very troubled—but he usually does these days. Anyway, I was going to call out to him, but then I saw…”

            The green fairy’s face paled again and she seemed to shiver.

            “What did you see?” Emma prodded calmly.

            Tinkerbell adjusted her blouse nervously. “Pixies.”

            Mary Margaret and Regina’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Pixies?” Emma asked, clueless.

            Tinkerbell began to visibly shake. “It’s not that they’re evil, per se… they’re just… completely chaotic. They feed on pleasure and debauchery and they leave a path of destruction in their wake.”

            “But Henry can handle some Pixies,” Emma tried to reason.

            Tinkerbell shook her head, sky blue eyes wide. “Pixies are very old. Older than fairies and older even than the dark one. They also love children. I don’t know if they wanted Henry for a specific reason but it could be that he was lost. That’s usually when Pixies find you. They lead lost travelers astray.”

            Emma cursed under her breath. “Where is he, then? How do we find him?”

            “Is he in danger?” Regina asked, her face now pale too.

            “Well… that depends on your definition of danger.” Tinkerbell suddenly looked embarrassed. “Pixies mostly like to play pranks and practical jokes, but they’re also suckers for sad love stories. They probably took him to the Pixie Queen and… erm… well she… she likes her… playthings.”

            Emma closed her eyes and opened them again. She had a feeling she knew what Tinkerbell meant but she didn’t want to think about it just yet or she wasn’t going to be able to stay calm. Regina, however, looked as though she was going to shit a brick.

            “Okay. Again, how are we going to bust him out?”

            The fairy’s face crimsoned as her embarrassment deepened.  “Well, it’s not that simple. You’ll have to get him out of the Pixie Queen’s realm soon or he could be trapped there forever. There’s a specific way to find the, er, the Queen’s lair. You need to go to the woods during a full moon with your true love. Find a clearing with a patch of moss that faces north and….”

            Tinkerbell stopped again, apparently unable to continue.

            “And…?” Emma pushed impatiently.

            Tinkerbell’s cheeks turned pink. “And… well, you have to… fornicate.”

            “Oh,” Emma said. “You have to have sex?”

            Tinkerbell nodded.

            “I would say that David and I could go, but he’s still out of town investigating that portal in California,” Mary Margaret said anxiously.

            “Then I’ll go!” Emma said fiercely. “Regina and I will go and get him, to Hell with true love!”

            “It’s the only way,” Tinkerbell said sadly. “The only thing I can think of to do is ask Mother Superior for some Pixie Dust. I don’t know if she has any, but if she doesn’t I’m certain she could figure something out.”

            “Do it,” Emma said quickly. “I don’t care how we get him out, just go find that dust. I’m counting on you, Tink.”

            The fairy dimpled at her and disappeared.

 

* * *

 

 

            The last thing he remembered was gazing up at the full moon, trying to remember how to get home, before a miniature person with red hair made an appearance. Henry hadn’t quite woken, but a maddening jig was haunting his dreams.

            “Wake up, little prince!” Someone, or something taunted in his ear.

            “Isn’t he handsome?” another shrill voice commented.

            “Oh yes, much more so than the last Dark One.”

            Henry’s eyes flew open. He looked around wildly, and saw that he was in a small room of some kind. He remembered watching cartoons when he was younger of animals that lived in hollowed out tree trunks. He appeared to be in one now, as he was surrounded by glistening bark walls hung with flowered garlands. He lay on his back on top of a stone slab, his ankles and wrists restrained in vines.

            “What is this?” he groaned, his voice throaty. Out of the corner of his eye he could make out two distinct figures with bright red hair. They were rather small—no larger than small children, really.

            “Why, you’re in the realm of ecstasy, my boy!”

            “I can tell by his staring that he’s never been with a woman… or man.” The other one piped up.

            Henry clenched his teeth. “I suggest you let me go. Do you know who I am?” Anger pulsed through his veins and for once he let it run its course. The dark void that he normally tried so hard to ignore closed in around him. He felt himself slip slightly at the edge of the abyss.

            “Being the Dark One won’t help you here, sweet child,” one his captors cooed. “Not when the Queen wants to have her way with you. But I wouldn’t worry. She’s not selfish when it comes to these things. We Pixies exist solely to create pleasure, after all.”

            “You’ll pay for this,” the boy muttered. “It’s not just me you have to worry about. My mom is crazy. Both of them.”

 

* * *

 

 

            While they waited for Tinkerbell’s return, Emma made Regina back her Benz into the driveway while she magically repaired her mother’s house. Grumbling, the dark witch appeased and when she returned to the blonde’s side she made sure to shoot Snow White a death glare. “I hope you know you’re never watching Henry again after this,” she growled.

            “Says the woman who let him slip away to Boston under her watch,” Mary Margaret snapped.

            “You know, everything would still be swell if you hadn’t given him that stupid book to read in the first place. It’s like you manage to ruin my life without even trying.” Regina felt her skin tingle with angry dark magic.

            “Well when it comes to ruining lives I learned from the best, didn’t I?” Snow fired back.

            “For crying out loud!” Emma groaned. “Will the two of you knock it off? It’s been decades. DECADES. When are you going to let it go?”

            Regina and Snow both opened their mouths furiously to reply, but were interrupted by Tinkerbell’s timely arrival. “She had some!” the green fairy said brightly.

            “Yippee,” Regina muttered. She didn’t want to think about the last time pixie dust had made it’s way into her life.

Tinkerbell gave her a look that was a look. “I’ll give it to Emma,” she said slowly. “Let’s hope her true love is nearby. The quicker we find him the quicker you get Henry back.”

Without waiting for Emma to agree, she produced the green sparkling dust and let it run it’s course. The air shimmered brightly like a million fallen leaves as the dust swirled and found its destination within seconds.

“…or her,” Tinkerbell finished weakly. Regina and Emma were both covered in glittery Pixie Dust. The brunette felt a roaring sound in her ears begin to increase in volume as she slowly turned to the blonde, whose mouth was agape as she stared back at her through a shimmering green curtain.

“Tinkerbell,” Regina said slowly. “Are you quite sure this is Pixie dust and not meth amphetamines?”

Tinkerbell blinked. “Look, Regina. Before you go nuts, hear me out—

“HEAR YOU OUT?” Regina bellowed. “Emma’s right, to hell with true love! Are you out of your mind? First Daniel is my true love, then he dies and suddenly Robin Hood is my soul mate, and now you mean to tell me—“ she sputtered incoherently before adding, “how many true loves can one person have?”

“Regina,” Tinkerbell said in a small voice. “It’s actually very uncommon for a person to have only one true love, especially in this world.”

A dull thud sounded behind them. Mary Margaret had fainted. Emma blinked and went to kneel by her mother. “Ma,” she murmured, trying to rouse her.

Regina pointed furiously at Emma, both of them still shimmering with green diamonds. “She’s my enemy. My rival! The bane of my existence!”

“Come on, Regina,” Emma muttered. “We’re past that and you know it.”

“But…” Regina fumbled. “Since when am I your true love?”

“Well, you all ready have a kid together, right?” Tinkerbell added hopefully. “For what it’s worth, I think you make a lovely couple.”

Regina tried to argue back by opening and closing her mouth, but no sound came out. Emma, unsuccessful in rousing her mother, shrugged and stood up. “I think one day we’re all going to look back on this and laugh,” she said. “Who knew Regina’s baby mama drama could end up being a good thing, eh?”

“I can’t believe you’re being so blasé about this,” Regina muttered.

“We’re going to have to make the best of this Regina,” Emma said, suddenly forceful. “While you’re here losing your mind, our son is getting butt plugged by Pixies, remember?”

The mention of Henry brought Regina slowly back down to earth. Her emotions were swirling around inside of her, but right now she had to get them under control, for him. “Fine,” she said coolly. “I almost forgot that this is probably the best day of your life anyway.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “You and I are going to talk about this more while we look for moss facing north or whatever. It’s a full moon, right Tink?”

The fairy nodded. “It certainly is.”

“Right. Will you tend to my mother while I go pork your best friend, please?”

Regina, to her mortification, felt her face grow hot and a warmth ignite her core.

Tinkerbell nodded and giggled. “Of course, Sherriff. I’d take your horses if I were you. Pixies are quite fond of them and you’ll need all the help you can get.”

“Good. I can be Regina’s naked fantasy on a noble steed,” Emma replied as she grabbed the embarrassed brunette’s hand and dragged her off.

 

* * *

 

 

The mayor sat with her wolf in Granny’s Diner after closing time. The two of them were alone together, which was happening a lot more lately. She sipped her coffee absently.

“Look over there,” Red pointed out the window and the Mayor followed her gaze. She saw Emma Swan and Regina Mills trotting along on their horses, clearly headed for the main path to the woods. They both looked rather solemn, or perhaps chagrinned. She couldn’t tell. But Emma’s sword was strapped to her back and Regina’s spellbook hung in its leather strapped bag at her side. “Wonder what they’re up to?” Riding hood wondered. “I bet it’s got something to do with Henry.”

“I should probably go find out,” the mayor replied. She downed her decaf and pushed the door of the diner open. “Emma! Regina!” she called out to them as she darted forward. Emma’s sharp ears seemed to pick up on her call first and she said something to Regina, who stopped as well.

The two of them turned their beasts around to face her as she strode up to them. “Is everything all right?”

“No,” Regina answered immediately. Emma shot her a look. Something was odd about the distance the two women were putting between themselves. Normally they were perfectly comfortable getting in each other’s personal space—usually to yell at one another.

“Sherriff?” the mayor turned to the blonde, who blew a strand of hair out of her face.

“We’ve got a problem. There are pixies in town and they kidnapped Henry. Regina and I are going to rescue him.”

“Why are there Pixies here?”

“Hell if I know,” Emma sighed. “Because it’s Storybrooke? Anyway, I’ll report back to you when we return.”

The mayor nodded. “Try to find out why they’re here and what they want.”

“Roger that, Madame Mayor. By the way,” Emma unhooked something shiny from her side and let it hang down from her horse’s mane in front of her. It was…

“Rumple’s old watch. Neal left it for me when he bailed. I know I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to you face to face much lately. Things have been quiet around here, up until now I guess. But I think it’s time I gave it back to you.”

Belle didn’t miss the way Regina stared at the Sherriff as she took the pocket watch and fastened it to her belt. “Thanks, Emma. I still miss him every day. Don’t you leave me too. You come back safe, understand?”

Emma threw her a cocky grin. “Understood.” She clucked her tongue. “Let’s go find Henry, Paranoia.”

The mare turned towards the woods and Regina looked back at Belle and nodded once before following. 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Italics are flashbacks, fyi.**

* * *

_Snow was convinced that Regina had finally snapped and was going to kill them all for real this time. Emma didn’t think so, but she knew the consequences would still be dire if she couldn’t reach the other woman._

_The former mayor wouldn’t answer the door or any phone calls for a week after they returned from Neverland and commanded Henry to hide Rumple’s knife, so the blonde decided that she needed some coaxing._

_When she finally found her one day passed out underneath her apple tree after what was obviously a rough night, she let the giant white horse sniff her until she woke up. “I don’t know anything about horses, Regina,” Emma said to the bleary dark eyes blinking up at her. “So you’ll have to take over from here.”_

_“Are you trying to kill me?” Regina croaked as she slowly got to her feet. She tried to dust herself off, then groaned and bent over, using the apple tree as a hand-hold as she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the grass. Emma was feeling charitable enough to hold her hair back._

_“Thought about it a few times, but I decided this was a better idea,” the sheriff retorted, helping the brunette regain her balance._

_“Giving me a horse? That’s a good idea? I don’t know if your mother ever told you why I hate her guts, but let’s just say horses were involved.”_

_Emma sighed and massaged her temples. Being the Savior really sucked. “We’ve all been having a hard time since Neverland. I’d say we’re due for a fresh start. I signed you up for weekly appointments with Archie. I’ll go with you if you want. Henry will too. He… misses you.”_

_Regina stared at her, and for the first time it hit Emma how old she actually was. Her eyes looked like the dark remains of ancient ruins. After what seemed like an eternity, she gently laid a hand on the patient horse’s muzzle. “A white horse,” she muttered. “How ironic.”_

_“I know I’m supposed to be the one who rides a white horse, but it’s past labor day,” Emma said lightly._

_Regina rolled her eyes. “I’ll name him Misery,” she whispered. “It’s a fitting name for my steed.”_

_It was Emma’s turn to look exasperated. “Don’t be such a drama queen. The stable hand all ready gave him a name. It’s Cloud. That’s all he answers to.”_

_Regina shrugged and took Cloud’s lead. The beast whinnied softly and blew air from his large nostrils. He followed the Evil Queen to her shed at the insistence of her clucking tongue. She paused for a moment and turned around, looking the Savior straight in the eye. “I suppose this is the part where I thank you,” she observed._

_“It’s what a nice person would do.”_

_She gazed at Emma for a few moments. It was one of her unnerving gazes that lingered longer than was absolutely necessary. She turned around and continued across her yard without another word._

_Figured._

* * *

            Emma recalled the incident as she and her dark companion scanned another clearing for moss. It was now one in the morning and they only had so many hours of moonlight before their son was lost to them forever. They’d been looking for only half an hour, and as urgent and impossible as this situation was, her mind continually drifted back to the gutter—specifically, what she and Regina were going to have to do when they found what they were looking for.

            Since that day five years ago, she had become more or less friends with the older woman, or as much of a friend as you could be to Regina Mills, who had since replaced Rumple as the town weirdo that no one wanted to cross, but sometimes sought out if there were shady dealings afoot. He’d left no will, so she had more or less taken over his pawn shop in a coup and let Belle’s new role as Mayor slide. _That’s what I’m here for_. She had once said. She would deal with the dirt under the rug so Henry didn’t have to.

            In the years they’d known each other, the savior and the Evil Queen had gone from coming to blows to combative verbal sparring  to grudgingly working with each other to solve Storybrooke’s problems and raise their son. Now they usually just bantered and exchanged infantile insults. In all that time it occurred to Emma that there was almost a sexual charge to their heated encounters but Regina’s obvious beauty had never been relevant to her. As fascinating and maddening as the woman could sometimes be, the notion of a sexual relationship had never crossed her mind.

            “But apparently you’re my true love,” the Sherriff chuckled out loud as she looked over at Regina for the first time since they’d started their search. The brunette seemed to be avoiding looking at her as well but now coffee colored eyes met hers in a cool stare. “Pixie dust is never wrong, right?”

            Regina’s voice returned to the low, raspy growl that Emma liked best. She had apparently calmed somewhat since her last meltdown. “Apparently,” she replied as she shot a small fireball at a tree, leaving a burn that marked their path.

            “Just tell me one thing, Regina. Have you ever even been with a woman at all?”

            The brunette scowled and tightened Cloud’s reigns. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

            “Well, yes, actually, I would. Especially since I’m going to have to slam dunk you before daybreak.”

            It was difficult to tell when the woods were this dark, but Emma swore she saw her blush again. “Must you be so crude?”

            “Just answer the god damn question!”

            Regina sighed. “Yes, all right? Years and years ago, when I was married to… your _grandfather_ ,” at this she made a noise of obvious disgust. “Of course I was not getting anything remotely resembling sexual satisfaction from that oaf, and if I ran off with another man I would have been apprehended and locked inside a tower at the least or executed for high treason at worse. So I made do with the occasional dalliance with the chambermaids.”

            Emma snorted. “The chambermaids. Of course. You probably made them give you head after they emptied your shit bucket.”

            “They were honored to do both,” the ex-mayor replied smugly. “What about you, Savior? Have you ever strayed from the blade to sip from the chalice?”

            “Duh,” Emma rolled her eyes. “I’ve been to prison.”

            “Oh, I see. Well if your expertise was gathered from your prison wife, Big Sal, I suppose I’m in for a real treat.”

            “First of all, Regina, her name was not Big Sal. Secondly, I’ll tell you this. I’ve done a lot of drugs and I’ve been with a lot of thugs—

            “Naturally,” Regina interrupted. “And might I add how thrilled I am that our boy has such a positive role model in his birth mother.”

            Emma continued as though she hadn’t heard her. “I’ve done a lot of drugs and a lot of thugs and I’ll tell you this. Those that have sipped from my chalice, as you called it, always come back for a second drink.”

            “They must have been thirsty, then,” Regina said. The moonlight hit her eyes in just the right way and made them twinkle. For a moment Emma could have sworn she was flirting, but her thoughts were interrupted by a patch of green in the corner of her eye.

            “Regina, look!” She pointed at the mound of moss at the base of a knarled tree with roots that twisted into an intricate staircase. “Check the compass. Is it facing north?”

            They halted their horses, who whinnied their protests. Apparently they’d been enjoying the conversation above them. Regina pulled her compass from her bag and checked. “Yes,” she replied after a pause. She looked around. “Are you sure this clearing is suitable? There are a lot of shrubs here.”

            “It’ll have to do,” Emma replied. “Our son needs us.”

            Regina nodded in agreement and as they both dismounted Emma felt her heart rate speed up unexpectedly. “I think it’s a great love nest,” she remarked nonchalantly as she bent down to observe the thick carpet of moss at the base of the tree. Their predicament was ridiculous enough as it was, she wasn’t about to let it get awkward.

            “I’m glad you think so, but right now I’d rather be somewhere else,” Regina replied distantly. She tethered their horses to a small tree a safe distance away. She probably thought Emma didn’t hear her whisper, “no peeking” to them before she strode forward like a moonlit wraith and stopped to stand about a foot away from the blonde.

            “Do you think this is easy for me?” Emma asked, suddenly irritated. “My son might be copulating with pixies so I have to fuck the Evil Queen. This is not the Disney Movie I remember watching as a kid.”

            Regina crossed her arms across her chest. “You’re Snow White’s daughter. My only comfort in bedding you is anticipating the look on her face when we return with our son. And may I remind you that he is the only reason this one-time occurrence is happening. I am frankly sick and tired of my life being ruled by the whims of fate and destiny so while I may be your true love, I prefer to choose my own, pixie dust be damned.”

            “That pixie dust is screwing with me just as much as it screwed with you,” Emma reminded her. “Do you honestly think I want you to be my true love?”

            Regina was smug again. “They once called me the fairest of them all. Why wouldn’t you?”

            “Gee, I don’t know,” Emma exploded. “Maybe because you’re a crazy evil witch and you’ve hated me since the day I was born?”

            “ _Before_ you were born!” Regina barked back.

            Emma took a deep breath to calm herself. “Okay, look. We’re wasting time. This isn’t a big deal, all right?”

            “Very romantic, Sherriff. If this is your idea of foreplay—

            “Will you just shut the hell up, Regina? I’m going to count to three, and on three you are going to kiss me. Got it?”

            Regina’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute! Why do I have to make the first move?”

            “Because you’re older!”

            “Barely,” the darker woman shot back venomously. “And you’re clearly the more masculine one, swaggering around town like some alpha baboon, your rear end inflated as you swing your member about like a—

            _“Regina!_ ” Emma fought the urge to unsheath her sword and hold it to her neck. “Calm down! We’ll do it this way, then. On three, we start making out at the same time, okay?”

            For a fleeting moment Regina’s eyes pooled with vulnerability before the mask went back up. It made Emma’s heart flutter against her ribs. “Fine,” she said quietly.

            _Here goes,_ the Savior thought wildly. She took a deep breath and said slowly, “One… two…”

            Emma had noticed that some people, when they went to plant one on her, crashed into her. Others slid into her mouth. Regina did neither. She floated through moonlight painted foliage like an ethereal ghost and brushed her lips against hers so lightly she almost didn’t realize they were there—full and soft and tasting of lipstick and cider.

            Emma reflexively reached up to make sure she was real and laced her fingers through silky locks of dark hair to touch the back of her neck, squeezing gently—urging her to come closer. If she was going to do this, it might as well be pleasant.

            It was. Regina gradually increased the pressure, moulding her mouth against Emma’s and causing the first stirrings of arousal in the blonde. A soft moan escaped her, causing tendrils of magic to light up her skin. Bright white sparks darted around them and she instinctively raised her hand at the same time her darker partner did. Their fingertips brushed, causing a jolt of energy to pass between them.

            It flared white-hot and caused the most incredible feeling of blissful ecstasy to course through her body and ignite her center. She gasped. She’d never felt anything like it before. The most delicious throbbing pulsed in between her legs that was unlike any previously experienced desire—agonizing heat that swept through her in waves. Nothing had ever felt so good.

            Regina clearly felt good too. With a feral growl she shoved Emma backwards. The blonde landed on her back on top of the carpet of moss at the base of the big tree and looked up at Regina, who gazed down at her predatorily. Emma had expected as much and assumed the dark witch to be sexually aggressive, but she couldn’t have predicted her own enjoyment.

            The brunette straddled her roughly and snapped her fingers. Emma felt her clothes slide off of her body magically and felt her breath hitch as the fabric caressed her skin. She grinned up at the older woman. “You’re a dirty fucking slut, Emma,” Regina purred, her pupils dilating with desire as her eyes raked Emma’s bare form.

            “Don’t I get to see you naked too?” Emma replied with a coy pout.

            “Shut up,” Regina hissed. She lowered herself, cat-like, between Emma’s legs—hovering for just one moment above the blonde’s sex, her painted mouth inches away from claiming it. Emma panted ever so slightly, her legs vibrating with anticipation merely by feeling the other woman’s warm breath on her center.

            Regina’s eyes were black with lust and the night sky painted them with twinkling stars. She nipped the base of Emma’s hard stomach instead, causing the Savior to groan as she suckled and then trailed her tongue feather-light up the length of the blonde’s tight, disciplined torso. She found the sweet spot on her neck easily and brushed aside blonde hair to bite and suck, branding her as she gently trailed her forefinger along Emma’s clit.

            “Fuck, Regina!” Emma whined.

            “Patience is a virtue, Princess,” Regina murmured huskily. She’d never called Emma “Princess” before. It was her official title and plenty of people in town referred to her as one, but she’d never liked it until now. It sent a thrill up her spine and she reacted by pulling Regina’s face close and ravaging her with a scorching kiss. Regina moaned against her and slid her tongue inside Emma’s waiting mouth. The blonde sucked on her tongue greedily and bit her bottom lip.

            That did it. Regina finally inserted two fingers into Emma’s soaking wet heat and began to pump roughly. The Savior cried out in pain and pleasure as Regina grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked on it.

            “You like that, don’t you?” Regina whispered wickedly in Emma’s ear, pulling her hair and fingering her aggressively. Neither woman noticed the air begin to change around them. As the blonde moaned the bark on the surrounding trees paled and dead leaves shriveled and turned to shimmering dust. As Emma screamed her release, brightly colored flower buds popped out of tree branches and stalks of shrubs.

            “Holy shit Regina!” Emma gasped. The brunette sat up and licked her fingers with satisfaction. Emma’s thighs moistened. “I’m not done with you yet.”

            She pulled Regina back up against her and made short work of her clothes. To her delight the brunette resisted, which only encouraged her. Like most of their interactions, this was a struggle for dominance and control, only this time it was X-rated.

            “How to get the Savior to taste your forbidden fruit?” the Sherriff teased as she managed to get on top of the other woman. She got her down to a lacey black bra and fumbled with the straps.

            “It unhooks in the front,” Regina said breathlessly.

            Emma took it off and tossed it aside. “How did you know I like it rough?”

            “Call it intuition, dear.”

            Emma whimpered as she looked at the naked woman underneath her. She’d always known on a subconscious level that Regina had a nice body, but to see the sweaty, olive skin writhing underneath her…

            She placed her hands underneath Regina’s knees and slid them up her thighs. The Evil Queen couldn’t suppress a gasp as the white princess lifted her up slightly by her ass and draped her body across hers, claiming her mouth and devouring it.

            It was a good thing there was no one within a ten-acre radius of them, or Emma would have had to arrest both herself and the former mayor for public indecency. Regina quivered underneath her as she soaked her body in wet, open mouth kisses. She took one nipple in her mouth and the brunette cried out helplessly.

            “I can be a tease too,” Emma giggled, and she moved down to nibble at soft thighs. The brunette laughed—a true, rich laugh that was unrestrained and held no malevolence.

            The blonde decided she needed to hear more sounds like that, so she gave in and gently kissed Regina’s sex, causing her laugh to turn into a low moan. Emma stayed her tongue as long as she could, gently gliding it along the older woman’s clit until she felt Regina’s hand on the back of her head. She shoved her face urgently into her slick, wet heat. Emma found the most sensitive spot and made out with it, sucking and licking until her partner exploded in her mouth, gasping with release.

            The flower buds forming around them burst into full bloom. Emma didn’t notice as she finished her meal in between Regina’s legs and sat up, sighing contentedly.

            Both women looked at each other for a moment, pleased by the fact that they both felt relaxed for the first time in months, but their reverie was short-lived.

            The ground rumbled as a bright green light lit up the grove. Emma howled as the forest floor caved in beneath her feet and began to suck her through a gaping chasm.

            “Emma!” Regina shrieked. “It’s the portal!” Behind them, Cloud and Paranoia neighed in distress and reared, straining against their leads.

            “Regina!” Emma bellowed back. The brunette scooted towards the portal frantically and the Sherriff was able to grab ahold of her bare ankle and grasp it tightly. She held on as the hole between the worlds dragged them down and swallowed the two of them whole.

 

* * *

 

 

            Henry struggled furiously against his restraints for at least five minutes that seemed like five hours. He felt the darkness consume him with every failed effort to break free.

            It was infuriating! Nearly seventeen years old, considered to be the most powerful magical being around, and he still needed his mommies to rescue him from a bunch of pixies.

            He knew they were coming as surely as he knew the sky was blue. They would always find him. But they had to hurry up, because he was in deep shit and he knew it.

            The room’s previous occupants returned from wherever they’d been. The two lewd voices he’d heard earlier showed themselves and he felt even more frustration at being bested. They were no more than three and a half feet tall with bright red hair, mocking mouths and pointed ears.

            “Allow us to properly introduce ourselves!” one of them squeaked. He and his companion both wore tunics made of shiny green leaves. “I’m poison and this is Ivy!” He gestured to companion, who appeared to be female.

            Ivy rubbed her hands together gleefully. “Our queen is ready to begin the mating festival!”

            “This is your last warning,” Henry said very slowly, making sure the small creatures understood. “Let me go now, take me home and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

            The pixies squealed with laughter. “He’s got an even better sense of humor than Rumple!”

            Their mention of his grandfather made Henry’s blood boil. The imp’s last words to him floated through his mind. _You’re doing me a big favor, my boy._ Right.

            “Do you know who I am?” the teenager exploded.

            Poison and Ivy ignored him. “Tralalalalala!” they both sang as they darted to the tree bark walls and kicked them. They collapsed as though made of plywood. The smoke cleared from the impact and Henry saw that he was in the middle of what was clearly a magical forest. Ten-story tall trees with wide, flat leaves towered above him and swayed proudly against a cloudless pink sky. Floating white lights hovered lazily over the pine-needle covered ground.

            There were pixies everywhere—all in various states of undress with plant-like clothing covering inane and hardly appropriate parts of their tiny bodies.

            He thought he’d been dreaming about the crazy, magical flute music but now it blared obnoxiously in his ear as swarms of pixies bumped and grinded each other wildly as though they were in some sort of enchanted mosh pit.

            An official looking pixie wearing tree bark armor flew above the debauchery with a pair of grey moth wings. “All stand at attention for her highness, Queen Mab of the Pixie Folk!”

            The crowd of pixies stopped humping each other and stilled somewhat, vibrating with excitement. The turned to face a clearing next to the small group of Pixies that were playing the annoying flute music. Their backs straightened and they began to play something somewhat more serious but equally as grating.

            Dark green vines poked out of the ground, coiling and twisting erotically like a pile of writhing snakes. The bud of a bright yellow flower began to form. The pixies ooed and aaahed and exclaimed with admiration. The flower bloomed into a large daffodil and in a shower of extravagant glitter, a new pixie emerged.

            Queen Mab was somewhat cuter than the other pixies, though her face was still pinched with mischief. Unlike the others, her hair was more strawberry blonde than red. She wore a dress made of rose petals and floated above the crowd of pixies with butterfly wings—a crown of primroses perched jauntily on her head.

            Now was as good a time as any for Henry to make himself heard. Especially his irritation had reached its breaking point. “Do you know who I am, Pixie Queen?” he shouted, trying to sound as menacing as possible.

            Mab and her subjects gasped and turned to him in unison. Pleased that he finally had their attention, he went on, trying to imitate Regina in his dramatic proclamation.

            “I’m the grandson of Rumplestiltskin and Snow White! My mother is the White Princess of the Enchanted Forest and the Savior of the Fairy Tale Kingdom! I was raised by the Evil Queen and I am the Dark One whose heart is the truest in the land! Let me go or suffer the dire consequences!”

            The other pixies were silent as Mab drifted lazily over their heads and landed slowly next to the stone slab Henry was bound to. She observed him for a moment with her head cocked before shrieking joyfully, “Then my subjects have brought me a fine morsel!”

            The pixies whooped and the flutists resumed playing their annoying jig. The rest of the creatures went back to their gratuitously frenzied dirty dancing with each other. One pixie shrieked and took her skimpy bikini top made of two sunflowers off and twirled it in the air above her head. A small pair of panties made of spider webs flew through the crowd and hit Henry in the face.  

            “Don’t worry,” Mab giggled next to him in her squeaky voice. “I’ll be gentle with you sweetie.” She reached for him greedily and he squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself.

            “My Queen!”

            He opened his eyes again to see the pixie with tree bark armor fly up next to them. Mab sighed. “What news, Turnip? I’m busy.”

            “We have intruders from another realm, my Queen. Two mortal witches.”

            Henry grinned broadly. “Now you’ll be sorry.”

            Mab rolled her eyes. “Bring them to me.”

            Poison and Ivy returned and shoved Emma and Regina into Henry’s line of sight. Both of them were wearing white shifts and embarrassed expressions on their faces. Henry noticed with glee that there was a sword shaped lump under Regina’s front.

            “Just give me my son back and no one gets hurt,” Emma said, cracking her knuckles threateningly.

            “Actually, all of you will get hurt,” Regina snarled. “I will destroy all of you, you perverted imbeciles. You will suffer for an eternity until you beg for death, forever regretting the day you crossed the Evil Queen and her son.”

            “Sheesh!” Mab exclaimed. “Will someone get this dark-haired one a valium?”

            “You heard them, Turd Blossom,” Henry smirked at the tree bark pixie. “You’re in trouble now.”

            “It’s Turnip,” he grumbled.

            “Good one kid,” Emma said, her eyes glittering. Both her and Regina looked oddly flushed.

            “Wait a minute.” Mab’s lavender eyes narrowed. “How did the two of you get here?”

            Suddenly the entire forest fell dead silent as every pixie, including the musicians, turned to witness the scene unfolding before them.

            Poison and Ivy snickered as Henry’s mothers both turned beat red. “We had to give them shifts to wear, your majesty.”

            Mab’s eyes widened. “You mean… my god, how absolutely delicious!”

            Emma and Regina both shifted uncomfortably.

            “The Evil Queen and the White Princess! How ironic and taboo. How tragically romantic! How hopelessly beautiful!” Mab seemed to have stars in her eyes as she twirled around like an anime character.

            “Enough!” Regina shouted angrily. “Emma!” She pulled the front of her shift outwards and the sword fell obscenely down between her legs and speared itself into the ground. Instantly, half of the pixies in the forest fell over shrieking.

            Mab stopped twirling and her mouth fell open in horror. “What have you done?” she shrieked. “Steel? In MY forest? Seize them!”

            All hell broke loose as the entire crowd of pixies advanced on them. Seeing their advantage, Emma immediately pulled her sword out of the ground and lunged towards the Pixie Queen.

            Regina stumbled backwards as pixies swarmed her. Her eyes flashed purple and she flexed her fingers. Two purple-handled swords materialized in her hands and she swung them wildly. It was effective. Most of the creatures flew backwards, but the Evil Queen wasn’t known for being a swordsman and it was only a matter of time before she would be overpowered.

            Turnip’s attempts at defending Mab from Emma’s onslaught were failing. She slashed at his armor and it splintered. He howled with pain as the steel burned the skin on his small chest. It seemed to melt slightly, as though disintegrating in acid.

            “Emma!” Regina called out to the blonde again and tossed one of her swords at her. Emma caught it by the handle and criss-crossed its blade with hers, inches away from Mab’s neck.

            The pixies froze in terror and watched their Queen tremble at Emma’s mercy.

            “You _stupid_ bitches!” Mab hissed. “The fae _hate_ steel! Those stuck up fairies you hang out with pretend it doesn’t bother them but it turns their stomachs just as much as ours!”

            Emma snorted and jabbed the blades closer to her neck. Mab squealed as her flesh began to burn. “Know what I hate? Having to rescue my son from a bunch of horny pixies!”

            Mab held up her hands, trying to keep them as far away from Emma’s swords. “All I was going to do was keep him in my harem with the rest of my mortal love slaves for all eternity. What’s so bad about that?”

            “Please kill her, Emma!” Regina hissed.

            “We can work this out!” Mab squeaked. “What do you want, Savior?”

            “Let Regina and Henry go.” Emma said quietly. “And send the three of us back home.”

            Mab rolled her eyes again. “As you wish, forest princess.”

            The last thing Henry heard the Pixie Queen say before the Fae forest vanished was, “I’ll get you for this.”

 

* * *

 

 

            Time was most definitely different in Storybook than it was in the Fae Forest. When Emma, Henry and Regina materialized in Snow’s kitchen it was nearly four in the morning, even though they’d been with Queen Mab for only a few minutes.

            “Henry!” Snow gasped, and enveloped the young man in a bone-crushing hug. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

            “Sorry Grams,” the boy muttered into her armpit.

            “You are so grounded, kid,” Emma said, trying to sound stern.

            “I got lost.” Henry scowled. “I was just taking a walk.”

            “Without telling Mary Margaret? You know better. Regina, take him home, will you?” She tossed her apartment key to the brunette, who caught it. Both women avoided looking at each other.

            “None of this would have happened if this moron had been keeping an eye on him,” Regina scowled at Mary Margaret.

            “Come on, Regina! It was an accident!” Snow groaned.

            Regina feigned sympathy. “Oh, an accident? Okay, Snow.” She turned to the kitchen wall and raised her hands. The wall exploded into smithereens, bits of it flying everywhere until the dust settled enough to reveal a hole large enough for a grown man to walk through. “Oops. That was an accident too.”

            Regina strode over debri through the hole, making some remark about how her and Tnkerbell would retrieve the horses at dawn the next day. Before following, Henry turned and flashed Emma a ghost of a smile. For a moment they were back in the old days of Operation Cobra. “Cool move towards the end. That thing with the swords, I mean.”

            Emma grinned back. “I call it the slingshot.”

            Henry chuckled and followed Regina outside through Mary Margaret’s wall.

            Snow rounded on Emma. _Out of the fire and into the frying pan_ , the blonde thought sheepishly.

            “Nice shift, by the way. Looks like you and Regina got up to a lot of moves tonight,” she said accusingly. “Do you know how many smelling salts it took for Tinkerbell to wake me up? If I were known for keeping secrets, which I’m not, I would hesitate to tell you father about all this when he gets back. He’s going to blow a gasket.”

            Emma ran a hand over her face tiredly. “What do you want me to say?”

            “At least tell me it was terrible,” Snow replied.

            _It wasn’t._ Emma thought privately. “Do you want to hear about the whole thing? Blow by blow?”

            The color drained out of Mary Margaret’s face. “No! God, no! But how do you expect me to feel? I’m your mother! And she’s… _Regina!_ Is this some rebellious phase you’re going through?”

            The blonde suddenly wished she was back with Queen Mab and the pixies. Anywhere but here. “Can we talk about this later, Ma? I’m tired.”

            “Fine,” Mary Margaret replied stiffly. “But can you do me one small courtesy?”

            “Yeah?” Emma repaired her mother’s kitchen wall with magic as she waited to hear the request.

            “Could you maybe tell Regina to stop destroying my house? I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but you’re the only person she listens to.”

            Emma stared blankly into space.

 

**A/N: Well, shit. That chapter was longer than I thought it would be. My bad. In case you’re wondering how Regina had Emma’s sword, it fell through the portal with them and she stashed it.**

**I borrowed a lot of the mythology in here from lore books, but added a small personal twist. What do you think is going to happen next to these lovely ladies? And why were the pixies in Storybook? Guess you’ll have to see…**

           

 

           

            


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Once, but wish I did, because Disney is da bomb.**

Regina wasn’t necessarily an alcoholic, but she was known to hit the bottle a little too hard now and again—at least in the past several years. She’d somewhat learned to let things get out of control when they were out of control, and this week was one of those weeks.

She’d gone so deep into her bender that she hadn’t bothered to return any of Emma’s phone calls or messages—yeah, that was why.

“Now let’s talk about _alcohol_ , kids.” Emma pointedly looked at Regina as she said this. The brunette had always known how to hold her liquor. On a scale of tipsy to plastered she was somewhere in between, but the sheriff was the only person in town who could tell when she was loaded. She was that classy.

Then again, remembering that she’d agreed to help the blonde with this high school assembly an hour before it started wasn’t her most shining moment.

“Does anyone want to tell me why it’s not a good idea to drink when you’re underage?”

The sullen, bored faces of numerous disaffected youth stared back at Emma blankly. In the very back of the gymnasium, practically hidden from view, Henry hung his head in shame. Neither of his mothers understood that they were embarrassing him in front of his peers. Growing up, Emma had been too busy wishing she had parents to embarrass her and Cora never let Regina have any friends to be embarrassed in front of.

“Slide.” Emma commanded. Regina hit the space bar on Emma’s laptop and the Storybrooke PD’s powerpoint presentation flashed with ominous statistics. “As you can see, none of you are mature or responsible enough to drink. In fact, some grown adults,” at this she threw Regina another adorably scathing look, “aren’t responsible enough to consume it either. So if you find yourself in a situation with your peers that involves alcohol, exercise good judgment and… caution.”  Her eyes flickered over to Henry, who avoided her gaze.

 _Like mother, like son_ , was what she was probably thinking, Regina mused darkly. Typical, self-righteous Charming. As if Regina had ever been drunk in front of her son before now, when you didn’t count her first Christmas after the curse broke with Snow and Charming. 

“Slide,” Emma said again. At Regina’s press of a button, the presentation’s conclusion flashed across the screen: “Any questions?” in big, white letters.

“Former Mayor Mills, will you read the first question from the inquiry box, please?” Emma asked, gesturing to the wooden box next to her where students had been instructed to leave their questions.

Regina pulled one of few slips of paper out of the box and read it out loud without thinking. “I whack off at least ten times a day. Is this normal?”

At this the entire gymnasium erupted into laughter. Emma sighed. “Not a public safety related question. Go talk to your guidance counselor. Next one, please, Regina.”

Chuckling, the brunette pulled the next slip of paper out of the box. “Regina Mills is a MILF.”

A group of boys in the far corner whooped and whistled. Henry turned beat red and slumped into his seat. “Come on, guys,” Emma groaned. “Next one, Regina.”

She pulled another question out of the box. “Does Sheriff Swan ever use her handcuffs to—hmmm, I’d better not read the rest of this one.”

More laughter from the students as Emma blushed. “Okay, no more questions. To conclude, stay away from drugs, alcohol, fairy tale creatures and the dark arts or else you might end up like my assistant, Former Mayor Mills.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Imagine that, children. Our sheriff doubles as a comedian.”

“You’re dismissed,” Emma barked to the attendees of Storybrooke High. As the children hauled ass to the exits, so did Regina. She’d been avoiding Emma since their night at the Pixie Grove and saw no reason to stop now. Tinkerbell wasn’t letting her hear the end of it, and that was bad enough.

She thought she heard the Sheriff call out to her, but she ignored it and the pang in her chest. She inhaled the fresh air as she stepped outside and swayed for a few minutes as she tried to remember where she’d parker her Benz. Grunting with annoyance, she recalled parking far away so as to avoid speaking to Emma before the assembly. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now she cursed her own cowardice as she tried to walk straight in heels. By the time she’d gotten two blocks Emma’s bug rolled up next to her and slowed to a crawl that matched her pace.

Regina stared straight ahead as she heard the window roll down. “Need a ride, MILF?”

The former Mayor continued walking, determined to ignore the blonde’s presence. She couldn’t bear to look at her without imagining her naked and sweaty underneath her, laying on a bed of moss that matched the color of her eyes, creamy skin bathed in moonlight…

“Okay, then. How about a muff dive in the back seat?”

 Regina couldn’t stop herself from snorting. “I’d prefer to avoid any illicit encounters in that clown wagon you call a vehicle. Not to mention the interior smells like marijuana and taco meat.”

“That was one time, Regina,” Emma retorted, referring to the incident last year when she’d found Emma smoking a joint in the bug while listening to Night Ranger. In her defense Neal had left that morning. “And that’s pretty rich, coming from the woman who just showed up shit-bricked to a public safety presentation for teenagers. Is this why you’ve been avoiding me? You’re on a bender? Or did you just have too much fun frolicking in the forest with me last week?”

 Regina stopped walking and spun around to face Emma, who was hanging out of her car window with a lewd smirk on her face. It made her feel dirty, in a good way. Dammit. “On the contrary, Sheriff Swan. I’ve been spending the week trying to scrub you off of me.” Blast, even that sounded dirty. “Our sordid encounter was simply yet another traumatizing memory I will spend the rest of my life trying to forget.”

“Liar,” Emma’s eyes twinkled. “I know when you’re lying, remember?”

Regina decided to ignore her and continue walking, glaring straight ahead. “You know I could arrest you for public intoxication?” Emma continued to taunt. “At the very least you must be crazy if you think I’m gonna let you drive.”

“I’m fine!” Regina huffed. “This idiotic conversation has sobered me completely!”

“Is that so? You know, after blowing up my parents’ house for the umpteenth time, the least you could do is talk to me. I know you want to fuck again as much as I do, if not more. When’s the last time you got laid, anyway? Before I rocked your world last week, that is?”

Regina inhaled sharply, trying to quell the urge to turn Emma’s bug into a donkey.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” Emma continued cheekily. “I want what happened in the Pixie Grove to happen again, and so do you. But first, you have to be nice to my mother for at least… three days.”

Regina felt her knees go weak while at the same time scoffing at the notion of being civil to Snow White. “Better get yourself some crude sex toy then, Savior. A cucumber, perhaps?”

“Mmmm, I don’t think that’s going to be necessary. Those are the terms, Regina. You want a piece of this sweet ass? You’re going to have to be nice to M&M for three days.” With that, she fired up the bug and sped off down the street.

Regina exhaled the breath she’d been holding slowly. All she’d ever wanted was to curse an entire kingdom and ruin everyone’s lives. Was that so much to ask for? She remembered her conversation with Tnkerbell from a week before and wished she didn’t have to go home to yet another problem.

 

**ONE WEEK EARLIER**

They weren’t far from where the Savior and the Evil Queen had fornicated, but Tinkerbell was still pestering her with questions.

“Come on, Queenie! I know you actually did it this time because you got Henry back! You’re really gonna hold out on me right now?”

Regina irritably batted away a tree branch. She was exhausted, having not slept a wink since rescuing Henry from the pixies. She just wanted to gather up her horses and go take a nap. “You can’t blame this whole thing on me, you know,” Tink went on. “I don’t tell the pixie dust what to do. It has a mind of it’s own.”

The brunette clenched her thighs together as the air began to vibrate with powerful magic. Memories of the previous night made her breath catch in her throat. “We’re close, Tink,” she observed, hoping the fairy hadn’t noticed. “The horses should be somewhere around here.”

The fairy giggled again. “That good, huh?” Her blue eyes sparkled, even after Regina gave her a look that could have peeled paint off of walls. “I know you’re embarrassed, Queenie. You can give me the silent treatment all you like, it won’t change how thrilled I am. Emma is good for you. She really—

She stopped and her eyes widened with awe. They had reached the clearing, and Regina saw for the first time that she and Emma had indeed performed magic during their liaison mere hours ago. She felt a knot in her chest loosen at the sight of brightly colored flowers vibrating with what seemed to be sexual anticipation, if that was at all possible. There was not a dead leaf or twig in sight. The clearing seemed to occupy its own dazzling, sunlit space in the middle of gloomy, misty woods.

What had that moment been between them, when their fingertips brushed? It was passion by another name. More than erotic, it was… transcendent. Regina shivered and felt even more embarrassed as her center moistened without her consent.

“By the Gods. Did the two of you do this?” Tinkerbell asked disbelievingly. “How romantic.”

Regina felt her face flush. “I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s just get my horses and leave.” She went over to where Cloud and Paranoia were still tethered to their tree, waiting patiently for her as they munched on dandelions. “Easy, girl,” she said, slowly approaching Paranoia. To her surprise, the more skittish mare didn’t flinch away from her and let her pat her nose. “You’ll have to ride Cloud, Tinkerbell.”

“Right!” the Green fairy agreed. “So this is what a Pixie Grove looks like! It’s absolutely beautiful. I’ve never seen one up close.” 

 “That’s because it’s not often that a stick-in-the-mud fairy such as yourself dares venture to one of our sacred sites!” a squeaky voice responded.  Regina spotted a bush with black and white roses near the patch of moss she’d had sex with Emma on. It rustled and Queen Mab flew out. Unlike in the Pixie realm, she was only about five or six inches tall, but other than that looked exactly the same.

Tinkerbell’s eyes widened in horror at the sight of her. She screamed and ran away as fast as her legs could carry her. “Tink!” Regina called after her as she disappeared through the trees. Furious, she rounded on the little Pixie, who was now fluttering among a neat line of purple daffodils. “ _You!_ I haven’t forgotten what you tried to do to my son!” Her hands burst into flames.

“Great Idea,” Mab said lazily. “Emma and Henry will surely overlook you burning down Storybrooke’s forest after all the other terrible things you’ve done.”

 Seething, Regina let the flames die in her palms. “I’ll have to catch you and cook you in the microwave then, you lecherous, larvae spawning termite!” she snarled and made to grab the tiny creature. Mab howled with laughter and flew out of Regina’s reach.

“Pixies are not so easily caught, _Queenie_!” she sang. Regina tried in vain to perform a summoning spell. When that failed, she tried to turn Mab’s wings into stone to no avail.

“Only Tinkerbell calls me that!” Regina raged. “As if you’d know what it is to be a Queen, _your majesty!”_

“Know what I like about you, Queenie?” Mab asked, buzzing around her head like an annoying bumblebee.

Regina swatted at her angrily. “Hold still!” she shouted as Mab continued to dart around her erratically. “I’m trying to crush you!”

“I like your style. We pixies are suckers for unfortunate souls such as yours. Your life has been a disaster from the beginning—one self-induced crisis after another and yet here you are, as arrogant and short-tempered as ever. Legend says you were once a sweet, innocent little dove. I wonder if that girl still exists somewhere in your black heart?”

“She doesn’t!” the dark witch bellowed, fuming with frustration as Mab flew up to a high tree branch and reclined on it as though it was a chaise. “So don’t fool yourself into thinking I shall feel any remorse when I send you back where you belong—to Hell!”

Mab yawned. “You’re hopeless, Queenie. I’ll tell you what. Since you’re one of my favorites, I’ll help you get your Forest Princess.”

Regina willed herself to calm down. Since she was no longer Mayor, there was no mask to hide behind, but the cricket had taught her breathing techniques to keep her temper and by extension her dangerous magic under control. _Remember what Dr. Hopper said_ Emma’s voice floated into her head. _Deep breathes. It’s going to be all right, Regina._

Regina gulped in air through her nose and slowly exhaled. “You will do no such thing, you cross-eyed, dim-witted disco fruit fly. I’ve ruined Emma’s life and countless others. I will not hurt her or Henry again. Those I love always end up hurt, because I am unworthy of it. You will return to the Fae Forest and leave my family alone or so help me I will chain you to the docks in the harbor and let the gulls feed on you.”

“Sounds kinky.” Mab shivered with delight.

Regina’s nose wrinkled with disgust. “You’re wasting my time, moth.” She clicked her tongue and turned on her heel, prepared to saddle up the horses and retrieve her fairy.

 

* * *

 

 

Mab was knee deep in Regina’s cider by the time the brunette returned to her manor. Another annoying Pixie tendency—they loved cider. And by extension, the Gods hated Regina Mills. Unfortunately Mab was no easier to catch when she was inebriated.

She sat on top of the kitchen stove, flying away just in time when the brunette turned it on in an attempt to fry her. She flew idly on top of the refrigerator. “How’d the high school dance with the Savior go?” she hiccupped.

“It wasn’t a dance.” Regina went immediately to the liquor cabinet, opened it, decided against another drink, and closed it again.

Mab snickered similarly to the way Rumple used to giggle at her when he’d have a vision about something she was going to do one day that was particularly reprehensible. “But she hit on you, I bet. And speaking of, you’re all pent up and frustrated, Queenie. Why not go to the Savior and oblige her? You’re a woman of many needs.”

“That I am but there is no way in hell I’m going to be nice to Snow White for three whole days. Those were Emma’s terms. No sex is that good, Pixie Queen.”

Mab swayed and smirked down at her. “You sure about that, Queenie? The trees told me you two made quite a racket on the night you opened the portal. Sounds like it was _that good.”_

“Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear, your majesty,” Regina hissed. “I would sooner join a raw ogre orgy and subsequently get a golden shower from a chimera than be kind to Snow White for two minutes, let alone three days. I am not and never will be that horny.”

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later, Regina knocked on the Charmings’ front door with gritted teeth. It opened to reveal a small, dark haired toddler. “Hello Leo,” Regina smiled down at him. It wasn’t difficult to be kind to Emma’s little brother, even though he was named after her loathed late husband. He reminded her of Henry. “Is your mother home?”

Leo beamed at her and nodded. “Mommy!” he called. “Grandma is here!”

Regina squeezed the cake tin she was holding in her arms until it threatened to shatter in her grip. Of course that imbecile always told Leo to call her “Grandma.” Why was she doing this again?

A brief memory of the tips of Emma’s golden hair tickling her stomach while she was busying herself in between her legs flashed through her mind. Right. That was why.

Mary Margaret appeared at the front door a moment later and upon seeing her former step-mother immediately shooed Leo away. She narrowed her eyes warily. “Regina?”

She smiled at her former nemesis, the effort of it hurting her cheeks. “Snow. I was just… thinking about you.”

“Oh? Trying to come up with another way to kill me?”

“No, no. I actually wanted to…” Regina gulped with effort as she tried to form her next words, her tongue thick with resistance. “I wanted to… a-a… apologize. Yes. For my, that is to say, ah, my… behavior last week.”

Snow stared blankly at her. “Huh? Behavior?”

“Well, you know… dear. I drove my Mercedes through your front door and, um, blew a hole through your kitchen wall. I also emptied my horses’ manure on your front lawn, as I’m sure you noticed, and shrunk your mailbox, and hexed Charming so he could only walk backwards on Wednesday and… anyway. I baked you a cake.”

Snow gaped at her, dumbstruck. She leaned out of the front door and looked around as though she expected to find camera crews filming a prank. Slowly, she took the cake tin and sniffed at it suspiciously. “How about you take the first bite?”

Regina bit her tongue to prevent the reflexive snarky retort. She cleared her throat. “That won’t be necessary. I suppose I ought to be going. You…” She cleared her throat again, the words stuck in it. “You look…” her face purpled with effort. “You look…” She clenched her jaw and swallowed bile, the effort of what she was trying to say literally destroying her insides. “You look very n-n-n….” She closed her eyes and opened them again. “You look very nice today,” she finally ground out. With that, she turned to leave.

“Wait a minute!” Snow said. “This is about Emma isn’t it?” Regina sighed and turned back around.  Three days? Really? She was The Queen! Knights were supposed to endure excruciating trials to get into _her_ pants, not the other way around.

“As if you haven’t taken enough from me!” Snow ranted. “Now you want my daughter! You’re unbelievable! You know what this is? This is classic Regina. Every time we go left, you have to go right. You have to pervert even the most cherished, simple bonds between people and you don’t even regret it. You relish in it. I don’t know if it’s because you have a personality disorder or you just don’t care…”

Snow’s voice faded to a background buzz for a few moments as Regina tried to think of a nice thing to say to her. It was because of her big mouth that she’d forgotten how to be nice in the first place. What would Henry do? She imagined her son’s smiling face and felt something as close to peace of mind as she probably would ever get in her life.

“… and now on top of everything else you have to get your jollies by luring  Emma into your sick, inappropriate web!” Snow rambled.

“That’s something you’ll have to talk to Emma about. And as for me taking everything from you, I happen to believe you’ve done well for yourself. You’ve got Charming, Leo, the house on Mifflin St, a Honda. I’m sure your mother would be proud.”

She managed to make her exit then, leaving a speechless Snow White at her front door.

 

* * *

 

 

David almost bulldozed Regina’s trashcans over as he screeched his truck into her driveway. He was really going to kill the Evil Queen this time. After Snow blurted out what happened while he was in California, he hadn’t stopped seeing red since.

Regina caught sight of him barreling towards her as she was brushing Cloud in the barn. Sighing, she hopped off the stool she’d been standing on. Her ever-gentle stallion wiggled nervously, his ears flattening against his mane. “If you spook my horse, Charming, I won’t save you like I saved your wife.”

“I’m really gonna kill you this time!” he roared, his face crimson with rage. It was possibly the angriest she’d ever seen him and also hilarious.

She waved her hand as he lunged towards her. The force of her magic sent him flying back into a pile of feed buckets. They clattered as he tried to get to his feet again a moment later. Regina cackled with glee as he came at her again. This time when she raised both ands he went soaring through the air again and smashed through the barn door.

“Arrrrrgggghhhh!” he yelled as he rolled through splintered wood onto the grass outside. Cloud reared back and screeched loudly, swinging his hooves out wildly. Regina cackled again and walked through the barn towards the Prince. Electricity sizzled around her ominously.

Charming yelled again as his own arm lifted involuntarily and he smacked himself in the face over and over again. “Stop hitting yourself, Charming!” She laughed as she magically made him smack himself in the face again.“Stop hitting yourself, you idiot!”

“Regina!” she heard Emma shriek behind her. “What the hell are you doing?” 

The brunette plastered her most innocent smile on as she turned to face the Sheriff, who was running towards her across the padlock. The blonde was wearing some awful dark green leather jacket that reminded her of the ugly red one she used to wear. Not one for sentiment, it made Regina feel particularly fond of her for some reason. “Your father is here to defend your honor, princess.”

Emma’s eyes narrowed. “What about our deal?”

“You said I had to be nice to Snow White, not this imbecile. Am I supposed to simply let him assault me? I know I’ve not been a saint, but surely I still have the right to defend myself.”

The Savior sighed and rubbed her temples. “Dad, go home and cool off, all right?”

“But Emma!” David protested weakly.

“Da-ad!” Emma whined back, sounding almost like an embarrassed teenager caught making out with her sweetheart in her bedroom. “Please?”

Grumbling, the battered Prince got to his feet and sauntered off. The two of them alone, Emma took a step towards Regina. “For crying out loud! I came here to see you after I ate a piece of that divine carrot cake you made my mom, and what do I find? You laughing like a maniac with fucking lightning striking behind you, Cloud rearing in the background and you looking crazy as hell…”

Regina folded her arms and lifted her nose in the air. “Did you expect anything less, Savior?”

Emma’s pretty face twitched, forming a barely concealed grin. “No. I’m glad to see you’re enjoying how much this—whatever this is—is driving my parents completely batshit. They keep insisting that’s the only reason this is happening. They say you’re vengeful again and using me.”

Regina scoffed. “Please. Their inflated sense of self-importance is mind-blowing. Not everything revolves around those two idiots, Emma. I tired of tormenting them years ago because frankly they are boring. It gets old after a while. Besides, I wasn’t the one Tinkerbell sprinkled that fairy dust on.”

“That’s what I said. Then they pointed out that Tink is your pal.”

“And _theirs,”_ Regina added, rolling her eyes. “She runs the pawn shop for me, but it doesn’t mean I have a claim on her. Did I also somehow orchestrate the kidnapping of our son? Bomb a nuclear reactor? Perhaps cause global warming?”

The former Queen knew Emma well enough to know that she was trying to keep her expression blank, but some kind of battle was taking place behind moss green eyes. “But they’re right to be concerned, dear. I’m not… you shouldn’t want to be involved with me. Given your troubling taste in men, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you find me quite alluring. Bad boys and crazy women, is that your taste Princess Charming?”

Emma didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, so the brunette turned back to Cloud, who was still snorting in distress. Her fight with David had agitated him. She approached him cautiously as he snorted anxiously through flared nostrils and pawed at the ground. “Steady, boy… it’s all right,” Regina said softly.

He flapped his head back and forth, his mane rustling. Regina gently stroked his muzzle. “Mama would never let any idiot Charming harm you.” The horse seemed to relax slightly. He nuzzled her as Regina’s black barn cat, Webster, jumped up on the stall door next to him. “See? Webster isn’t frightened,” she reassured the beast, scratching her cat behind the ear. She leaned her head against Cloud’s neck and both horse and owner felt themselves return to serenity.

“I like this side of you,” Emma said quietly. Regina turned to look at her and saw the blonde watching her affectionately. “It always surprised me, how gentle you are with animals.”

“I find that in most cases they are superior to humans,” Regina replied. Emma smiled again and came closer, until she was only a foot away from the former Mayor. “They have no hidden agendas,” the brunette went on, slightly distracted by Emma’s close proximity. She could feel the heat coming off of her body. “Or axes to grind. They only want food and sleep and perhaps a little affection now and then.”

Emma only seemed to be partly listening. She reached out and touched Regina’s shoulder. “You prison took my shit in the Pixie Grove. You weren’t very gentle. Not that I’m complaining. But,” she moved her hand up to stroke the older woman’s cheek with the knuckles of her fingers. Regina’s body responded with an involuntary shudder. “It does make me wonder how gentle you can be in… other capacities.” Her grin widened to near goofy proportions and the brunette melted.

“Are you suggesting we test that theory?” Regina purred back seductively. “I should have known you wouldn’t be able to last three whole days.”

Emma opened her mouth to give her a teasing retort, but was interrupted by the sound of squeaky grunting. Both women looked up to see Queen Mab humping Webster furiously. The cat blinked but otherwise didn’t seem to care that he was being violated. “Oh, _yeah!_ You guys are so hot together. Do you have a video camera, Queenie? Fire that sucker up!”

Upon seeing her Emma reacted similarly to how Regina had when she’d first spotted her in the Pixie Grove with Tinkerbell. She seized one of the tin feed buckets David had knocked over and lunged at the Pixie Queen with it ineffectively. Mab merely laughed and held onto Webster’s fur as he leapt off the stall door. He ran around the barn and she rode him like a miniature pony, cackling like a maniac.

“Don’t bother,” Regina said to the furious, red-faced Sheriff. “You won’t be able to catch her. She’s been following me around all week, yammering constantly. I’ve tried vaporizing her dozens of times but no spells have worked.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Emma exclaimed, waving her arms around erratically.

“Forgive me for not wanting to pester you with every little problem I have like every other twit in this town. There was also the fact that we… there was the incident in the pixie grove.”

Emma’s eyes widened.

“Regina, listen. I—

She was interrupted by yet another visitor. Emma groaned and covered her face with her hands as Mary Margaret raced towards them. “Emma, stop!” she screamed. “David just came home looking like he got mugged!”

She skidded to a halt in front of her daughter and used her own body to shield her, as though protecting her from getting shived. “You can’t trust the Evil Queen, Emma! And you certainly can’t love her.”

Regina felt her stomach flutter unpleasantly. “Excuse me, Snow. As thrilled as I am that my barn has suddenly become grand central station for Charmings, this is a private matter between me and your daughter.”

“There will be nothing private going on between you and Emma!” Snow declared.

 _“Ma!”_ Emma groaned.

“Charming and I sent her through that wardrobe so we could keep her away from you, not seduce her with your… your… your twisted sex games!”

Regina couldn’t stop the wicked smile from slowly spreading across her face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Above them, Mab laughed uproariously. “Sure she does!” She began to twerk in midair as she imitated Lady Gaga and R. Kelly. “Do  what you want, what you want with my body. Do what you want, don’t stop let’s party,” she sang shrilly.

Mary Margaret stared up at her in horror. “Is that the Mab? Emma, we have to tell Mother Superior!”

The Pixie Queen turned upside down in midair and stuck her tongue out at Snow. “You and that buzz kill can’t do a thing about me, Betty Crocker.”

“We’ll deal with you like we’ve dealt with all of Regina’s other messes,” Snow snapped back with uncharacteristic rudeness. “The sooner I clean this one up, the sooner I can get my firstborn away from the Evil Queen. We all know what happens to her lovers when they hang around with her in the stables.”

“MA!” Emma shrieked. She barely had time to erect a magical shield in front of her Snow before Regina unleashed a barrage of deadly curses at her in a blind rage. She felt the Evil Queen take over, unable to control the darkness as it engulfed her completely.

“Regina!” Emma’s voice tugged her back, but not far enough. Cloud reared again in agitation and Webster hissed. In the padlock, Euphoria and Paranoia fluttered around nervously.

The brunette seized the scattered buckets around her and began furiously pelting them at Emma and Mary Margaret. “Out!” She shrieked. “Out! Get out!”

“Regina…” Emma held her hands out pleadingly, as though trying to reach the gentle woman that had been with her just moments ago.

“OUT!”

The blonde dodged the other bucket, and, swearing, grabbed Mary Margaret by the arm and dragged her off. “This isn’t over, Mills!” Regina heard her yell before she was alone again with Queen Mab and her agitated animals. She fell to her knees and burst into tears, hating the pixie dust for making long dormant and dangerous feelings wake up in her again.

“Aw, shit…” Mab muttered, looking down at the weeping woman with chagrin. “Hang on, Queenie. I’m gonna go get help.”

She flew off. Webster trotted up to Regina and tried to comfort his inconsolable mistress by bunting her, but it wasn’t until Tinkerbell came running into the barn a few minutes later, closely followed by Mab, that Regina finally looked up, her face stained with tears.

“Queenie!” Tinkerbell ran to her friend and knelt down next to her. “You relapsed, huh?”

Regina nodded, unable to speak for the disappointment in herself.

“That’s all right. Want me to call Dr. Hopper?”

Regina shook her head.

“Want me to sit with you until you feel better?”

Regina nodded again. “Come to my bossom, then,” the green fairy soothed. Regina leaned her head on her best friend’s shoulder. “Go easy on yourself, Queenie. You’re not the first person love ruined, and you won’t be the last.”


	5. Chapter 5

**I hope you all enjoyed your Holiday! Mine was tiresome, as always. There should only be two or three more chapters left in this story. I’m really sorry about the Chihuahua  reference in this. For some reason there always has to be lots of cute animals in my fanfics, especially femslashy ones. Forgive me.**

**DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned Once because Lana Parrilla is so ridiculously hot but sadly I don’t.**

            Mary Margaret had regretted the words the second they’d left her mouth. Perhaps she was too used to Regina to be offended by her attempts to pulverize her, but after the progress the two of them had made over the years she knew this one was on her.

            It only got worse after Emma teleported them to her apartment. “Have you lost your mind, Ma?” she said loudly, rounding on her dark-haired mother.

            Snow raised her hands. “Hear me out, Emma. I… this isn’t easy for me and your dad.”

            “Since when is this about you?” Emma exploded. “This is my life! What I choose to do with Regina in barns and secluded, wooded clearings is my business. I try doing something for myself this _one_ time, and you all go ape shit! I don’t always want to be the Savior, Ma! Sometimes I want to be a human being! Sometimes I want to be selfish!”

            The notion that Regina could relate to this desire that Emma had crossed Snow’s mind and it made her that much more uncomfortable. “Regina is not in the business of making other people happy, Emma,” Snow sniffed.

            “Except for when she saved us all that one time!” Emma fired back. “Oh, and raised my son and gave me my happy ending with him after stopping us all from being cursed. Remember that? I wanted him to have his best chance and…” her blonde daughter deflated a little. Her eyes looked haunted as though she had discovered some sudden revelation about herself. “…his best chance was with her.”

            “I won’t deny that she brought Henry up well,” Snow argued. “I get the camaraderie over sharing a son. But sleeping with her? Did I miss something?”

            Proving that situations could always get worse, Henry appeared at that very moment. As Mary Margaret’s words reached his ears, his face changed to the color of sour milk. “ _What?”_ He said incredulously. He turned to Emma. “Is that true? Are you bumping uglies with _my mom_?”

            Horrified, Emma shot Snow a withering look. “Henry, listen—

            “I knew it!” He yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. “I knew you two did something weird to get me out of the Fae Forest! I can’t handle this! I can’t handle this family!” He stormed up the small staircase to his lair, Emma hot on his heels. Mary Margaret stayed glued to where she was, unsure of what to do.

            “Henry, this doesn’t change anything!” she heard Emma tell her son, their loud voices drifting down to her old apartment’s landing.

            “I’m going to live with Dad!”

            There was a loud thump as Emma apparently punched a door or wall. “You are _not_ going to live with your dad, and that’s final! You can see him over spring break like we planned!”

            “What difference does it make where I live?” Henry roared back. “It’s not like I can go back to moms! She can barely hold it together because you and grandma and grandpa screwed her up! And now you’re gonna make it worse! You’ll drive her away just like you drove away dad.”

            There was dead silence as Mary Margaret felt her mouth fall open. Up until now she’d only had a vague idea of how much Emma’s relationship with her grandson had deteriorated. She recalled earlier years when Regina was on the receiving end of his emotional trauma and wondered if this wasn’t another thing that was driving Emma into her arms. Regina and Henry were still very close, and she wondered if Emma felt more endearment towards her former step-mother now that the shoe was on the other foot.

            “You know what, kid?” Emma could be heard saying. “Consider yourself grounded for another week.”

            “Fine.” Henry snapped back. “I’ll just get one of my friends to summon me.”

            Emma’s dark chuckle sent chills down Snow’s spine.

            “Go ahead and try. We’ll find them in pieces after your mother hears about it. The people in this town know better than to summon the Evil Queen’s son. Still liking those fairy tales, kid? And for the record, don’t bother trying to sneak out either. I’ve got all kinds of wards and barriers up. Consider this you magical maximum security prison.”

            With that, the blonde reemerged as she stormed down the stairs, purposely knocking over pictures on the wall as she went, her face a cloud of misery.

            “Emma… there was a time when you would have lost your marbles over anyone trapping Henry with magic. Even Regina regretted doing it. What’s gotten into you?”

            “I’m in over my head, that’s what’s gotten into me.” Her scowl deepened as she faced Mary Margaret, and her voice dropped to a dangerous octave. “You will not take Regina away from me, Ma. I need her.”

            Mary Margaret felt her eyes fill with tears. “I get it. You’re in love with her.”

            Emma’s eyes widened. She stared at Snow for a moment before grabbing a jacket—her old red leather bomber that she hadn’t worn in years—and storming out of the apartment.

            Mary Margaret went upstairs to check on Henry. The door to his room was locked. “Henry,” she called, knocking on the door. “Will you talk to me? I know you’re upset, but…”

            There was no answer, so she tried to continue. “There’s no point in rehashing the past, Henry. Both of your mothers deserve to be happy just as much as we do.”

            The door opened and Henry’s scowling face mirrored his mother’s expression from just moments ago. “Mom’s her true love, isn’t she?”

            Mary Margaret patted his cheek affectionately. “And who are we to get in the way of that? I think we both owe Emma an apology.”

            The kid shifted on his feet awkwardly. He’d gotten so tall and handsome and he was still growing into himself, but he still managed to look somewhat poised most of the time—a skill he had probably learned from Regina. His adoptive mother made sure he was always dressed impeccably and elegantly well-mannered. “If I play Call of Duty, will you tell on me?” he asked finally.

            “We’ll keep it between us,” Snow replied fondly. She wasn’t going to let him out of her sight this time.  

 

* * *

 

            Blue shook with apprehension as David knocked on Regina’s door. He wasn’t yet aware of why Pixies seemed to terrify Fairies so much, but since Mab was their leader, there had to be a good reason. Tinkerbell opened the door and frowned at the sight of them. “I think that’s enough for today, Charming. Regina is detoxing.”

            “From dark magic?” the Prince inquired. “Emma just texted me and said she relapsed.”

            The green fairy nodded sourly. “No thanks to you and Snow.”

            David sighed. Admittedly he had probably over-reacted, but he wasn’t accustomed to being blamed for getting a whooping from the Evil Queen. “Mother Superior is here to talk to the Mab,” he announced. “We’ll let Regina be, if that’s what you want.”

            “The Mab has chosen to guard her, so I’m afraid that’s—

            The sound of someone imitating a police siren interrupted them, and a moment later the Pixie Queen appeared on Regina’s porch. David eyed the creature with disbelief. All this trouble over a little imp with butterfly wings?

            “Oh look!” she said, sneering at the Blue Fairy. “It’s the friggin’ 5-0!”

            The fairy squared her shoulders bravely. “This is our one and only request that you leave Storybrooke, your majesty,” she announced. “With the recently opened portal in the Pixie Grove, you’re continued presence increases the chances of your kin getting through and wreaking havoc in this town.”

            Mab sighed and floated back towards Tinker Bell. “No can do, I’m afraid.”

            David narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean, Pixie Queen?”

            “It’s not up to me to reseal the portal,” she sighed. “Only Emma or Regina can do it.”

            At the mention of his daughter, Charming bristled. “What do they have to do?”

            “I’ll tell you, but it’s a secret,” the Pixie answered, her mischievous face contorting into a serious expression. “You’ll have to come closer.”

            David sighed again and stepped towards Mab. She shook her head. “Closer…”

            David took another step towards her, brushing against Tink’s shoulder. His face was only a foot away from Mab, who hovered level to his eyes. “Just a tad closer,” she purred.

            Charming leaned forward and Mab flew up to his ear and farted in it. He yelled and jumped back as a glittery, golden substance seeped into his ear. “What the—

            He began to shout in protest, but felt himself getting shorter. The muscles in his arms rearranged themselves and he yelled out in pain. His spine adjusted, limbs twisted, and a moment later he tried to yell out again but only found that he could bark shrilly up at the fairies that towered above him.

            Mab shrieked with laughter, clutching her stomach dramatically. “I crack myself up sometimes! Look at him, Green! Isn’t he cute?”

            “What… is that a Chihuahua?” Tinkerbell asked in disbelief as she looked down at the small brown dog that had been David Nolan just moments ago. “You turned Prince Charming into a Chihuahua?”

            Charming yipped and ran around their legs in agitation.

            Mother Superior looked horrified if not on the verge of tears. “I don’t know how to change him back. Mab, please!”

            “Oh, don’t worry, Officer. He’ll change back once the portal is sealed.”

            “Tell us what we have to do!” Tinkerbell cried, staring down at Charming. Mary Margaret was going to lose it.

            Mab rolled her eyes. “Again, it’s not what you do that matters. It’s up to our lovely ladies, Sheriff Swan and Regina Mills.”

            “Tell us what they have to do, then!”

            “Oh, come on, Tink. You know how magic works. They started a chemical reaction when they opened the portal. To reverse it, they have to do the opposite.”

            “The… opposite?”

            Mab nodded patiently. “Yes. Now think, Green. What’s the opposite of making love?”

            “Um,” Tinkerbell’s face reddened.

            “Don’t be dim, Green.”

            “Um… the opposite of making love is… making war, I suppose?”

            “Bingo,” Mab replied, reclining lazily in mid air.

            “Well, theirs has always been a tempestuous relationship, true love or not. I suppose that won’t be too hard. Will either one of them be injured?” Tinkerbell asked, wringing her hands anxiously.

            “That’s entirely up to them,” Mab replied. “It’s not something that can be forced, either. They may fight and argue, but it’s been some time since they waged all-out war on each other. You might have to get creative if you don’t want my subjects causing hilarious strife in Storybrooke over the next several weeks.”

            Tinkerbell looked pained. “I don’t want to hurt Regina. She’s my best friend.”

            “Tough titty, Twinkle Toes,” Mab replied. She yawned. “Anyway, I’m bored. I’m gonna go back to annoying Regina and Emma.” She looked down at Charming, who was barking and jumping up and down, trying to reach her. “And take the Prince with you. Regina doesn’t strike me as a dog person.”

            The pixie disappeared, leaving Blue and Tinkerbell with Charming in his new form. “There was something else,” Mother Superior said quietly. “Charming,” she gestured to the Chihuahua. “He brought two people back from California. I believe they’re from another realm and they came through a portal out there.”

            “Are they from the Enchanted Forest?” Tinkerbell asked.

            “I’m not sure, but he left them at the Nursing Home. If you see Emma, can you tell her to pay them a visit so we can figure out what to do with them? I have to go home. I’m afraid I’ve soiled myself. It’s been centuries since I’ve seen the Mab and I’ve forgotten the effect she has on me.”

            Tinkerbell sighed and picked up Charming, who wriggled in her arms. She had a feeling that the Savior wasn’t going to want to deal with this in addition to the other mess they were in. She left a note for her Queen on the dining room table and set off to find Mary Margaret.

 

* * *

 

            The door to 108 Mifflin street opened shortly after Emma knocked on it. Regina had changed from the snooty riding pants she'd been wearing in the barn to a wine red sweater and a pair if leggings that made her butt look good enough to cook breakfast on. She eyed the younger woman with smoldering dark eyes that were still somewhat moist and entirely disdainful.      

          "What do you want, Sheriff? Do you remember that I hate you?" Regina stepped out onto the porch and tore Emma's headband out of her hair. "Remind me to burn that monstrosity later," she said, tossing it to the ground.           

          For no particular reason Emma's heart swelled with fondness for her. The space between them parted easily as she strode forward and wrapped her arms around her neck. Regina stood still, probably out of shock. "I'm really happy to see you," Emma gibbled sloppily. She buried her face in glossy raven hair and breathed in Regina's scent—apples and sawdust mixed with some obscenely expensive perfume. "Sometimes, I swear, you're the only one that—

          "Emma, stop this," Regina said, sounding alarmed. Emma wasn't surprised or offended. She knew this sort of touchy-freely crap was the sort of thing she and the former Queen mutually found to be unnecessary on most occasions. "Have you hit your head? Or are you high again? I remember you being overly friendly the time I caught you in the bug. You rolled down the window and said in your best Mae West impression that I was so low I could walk under a door in a hat. Then you asked if you could see my—

  
            "I remember, your majesty," Emma smirked into her neck. "You're never gonna let me live that down are you?"

  
            "To be fair it may or may not have been entertaining. Will you let go of me now?"

  
            "Not yet," Emma said quietly. "Let me finish this moment." She listened to the somewhat rapid beating of Regina's clouded heart, finding the first silence she could remember in its patches of darkness. It was too blissful for her to care that people could see them like this on the front porch--the Savior embracing a rather docile Evil Queen.

  
            "I'm sorry I tried to kill your mother again." The apology was barely audible. Regina had doled out her share of them over the years, still occasionally acknowledging when she was being rude or insensitive. Emma knew it was hard for her, especially when it came to Snow.

  
            "That's all right. You wouldn't have killed her. I know you could have done a lot worse and my shields still need a lot of work, as you're often so quick to remind me." She smirked again and finally released the brunette, taking a step back to resume their tit-for-tat. "If you ask me, you're going soft."

  
            "Says the brave White Knight that was just cuddling with me. Did I miss the part where we became Teletubbies?" The corners of Regina's mouth turned up slightly, the emotion in her eyes unmistakable.

  
            Emma felt her regard overwhelm her again and she grabbed the older woman's arm and dragged her inside. She shut the front door and threw Regina against it. Emma pressed her body up against hers and captured her lips in a heated kiss. "Don't act like you don't like it," she growled, nibbling on a full, painted bottom lip.

  
            Regina moaned and cupped her face. "Emma," she protested weakly. "This is a bad idea."

  
            "Shut up." Tongues clashed heatedly and Regina seemed to forget her concerns when Emma trapped hers between her teeth and sucked aggressively. The brunette hissed in pleasure and pain. Before she could retaliate Emma began to stroke the back of her neck again, replacing fingers with lips with her Dark Queen's strangled groan of approval. Her wet, open mouthed kisses had reached Regina's collarbone before she barely heard her voice a strangled, throaty plea.

  
            "Emma... This isn't--oh, god--this isn't right. Oh, you dirty—yes, right there. I mean, no! Emma!" She pushed her off and the Savior pouted.

  
            "Why? Because you're the Evil Queen? I don't care at all." She tried to calm herself. Her heart was still racing and she longed to resume what they were doing against the front door. "It doesn't make any difference. You're Henry's mother."

  
            Regina frowned slightly. "So are you, dear. What does that have to do with anything?"

  
            "No, I'm not. You're his mother. He'd tell you the same thing if anyone asked him."

  
            "What on earth are you talking about?"

  
            Emma bit her lip and willed the tears not to fall. Her eyes felt heavy with the effort of it. "You two are like the Jackie-O and JFK Jr of dark magic. He even dresses like you. Knows all about us, by the way, and is horrified by it because he's convinced I'm gonna screw everything up. Granted, I probably will. I'm at the end of my rope because being a single mom to a teenage kid is Hell. Teenagers are from Hell, Regina. With his dad gone, I'm drowning and I..."

  
            Regina's eyes were wide with disbelief.

  
            "And I need you around because you're the only anchor between the three of us right now. It's crazy but it's true. And that moment between us in the Pixie Grove was the first time I haven't felt entirely alone in…

  
            She couldn't finish. She couldn't admit to how long.

  
            "You really have taken complete leave of your senses if you believe you'll be the one to ruin anything in this family, Princess," Regina said with a dark scowl. "It's the Evil Queen that destroys happy endings, not the Savior. And for what it's worth you are a more than acceptable parent for Henry."

  
            "You gave us our happy ending," Emma whispered.

  
            They couldn't seem to share any real moments without Mab interrupting. Loud, emotional flute music that was meant to be ironically touching halted their conversation as the Pixie Queen slowly floated down from the hallway chandelier. "Could you maybe give us some privacy?" Emma asked grouchily.

            The Pixie pouted. “What can I say? I’m a voyeur. We Pixies—

            A cloud of purple smoke enveloped them and a moment later the two of them were in Regina’s bedroom. A click popped through the air as the door locked magically. “—are idiots,” Regina finished for Mab, who was nowhere to be found. “Hopefully that lock will keep her out for a while. It’s warded against all manner of spirits and creatures but who knows how long it will keep that insufferable pest at bay.”

            Emma pulled Regina onto the bed’s down comforter and laid her head in the older woman’s lap. “We don’t have to talk,” she said, snuggling into Regina’s thigh. “We can just lay here. If this is the only time we’ll have without Mab I don’t want to waste it.”

            Regina was motionless for a few moments before gently stroking Emma’s hair. “The prophecy is true, Savior. You’ll be my undoing in the end.”

            “In a good way, I hope,” Emma said cheekily as she peered up at Regina with one eye.

            For a moment the brunette lost her cool and her lower lip trembled. Emma stroked the inside of the thigh her head wasn’t resting on absentmindedly.

            “What do you want from me, Emma?” Regina whispered.

            “Nothing. Well, I wouldn’t say no to a rim job.”

            “You’re gross.”

            “Just being honest. What do you say? Ever driven on highway 69 before?”

            “I suppose I could take a detour.”

            Emma smiled and began to methodologically remove those sexy leggings.


	6. Chapter 6

“You have to understand, when I first met Regina, we hated each other. I wouldn’t have pissed on her if she was on fire. Well… that’s not entirely true. There was that time I pulled her out of a burning building. But shit, she got on my nerves.”

            Emma’s audience stared back at her blankly. She sighed and leaned back in the rocking chair. “But you don’t understand. Things between us have evolved over the years. I saved her life at least half a dozen times. She raised my son, helped my family even though she hated them, gave me my happy ending with Henry to the detriment of her own interests… how could I not want to look out for her?”

            “It sounds like the two of you have a complicated relationship. Alchemists in this world say that the same materials used for hatred are also required for love.”

            Emma frowned at his use of the word “love.” Did she love Regina? She certainly loved to have inappropriate relations with her. Over the past week her spare time was spent aggressively seducing the Latina. She’d climbed into her window at four in the morning with a double-sided dildo, pulled her into a dark alley during her lunch break for some teacher-student role playing, sent her dirty pictures during a town hall meeting and ate her out behind the counter of the pawn shop while she haggled a golden egg with Peter Cottontail. It was the most thrilling and yet tranquil part of her day. “Well, um… yes, things between us are complicated. A few years back the wicked with killed my friend, Captain Hook. We had a thing, so I was pretty bummed. Gold had lost his powers when he sacrificed them to defeat his father, so he convinced Henry to kill him so he could become the Dark One and stop the Wicked Witch. It… it sent me over the edge. I used the witch’s son, Leer, as bait. Just when I was about to kill her, Regina stopped me. At the time she was adamant that at least one of Henry’s mothers have a pure heart.”

            The vacant eyes only half listening to her story blinked in confusion. “She holds your heart in high esteem. What’s complicated?”

            The blonde princess sighed and flicked her bangs out of her eyes in frustration. “Our history. Even with all that hanging between us, we can’t stop ourselves from duking it out all the time. To tell you the truth I think she enjoys it.” _Maybe I do too_ she added privately as she rocked back and forth in the chair. “We got in a magic fight once over a city ordinance about traffic cones in front of the pawn shop. One thing led to another and before you know it she admits to being a Republican. Socially liberal—but still! It all went downhill from there. The mayor pitched a bitch fit and wouldn’t let us use magic for a week because we accidentally turned the town’s only Laundromat into a gay bath house for centaurs. Shit, not six months ago we got into a prank war that lasted for two weeks. She pretended not to be participating but we all knew she was. Especially after Mary Margaret drank the herbal tea laced with ex-lax that was supposedly meant for me. I don’t really know when it stopped being serious. We used to just try to kill each other all the time. Well, mostly she tried to kill me—

            “Blah! Blah! Blah!” The wild-eyed elderly woman in the nursing home bed interrupted Emma’s inane ramblings. Her purple dress had been replaced with a hospital gown but she still wore an elaborate headpiece that covered any hair she might have. “No one cares about your weird love life, Princess Charming. Kronk! Why do you allow her to use you as a therapist without demanding shillings? No one should have to listen to this crazed babbling unless they’re being paid a fortune or have been provided with a country to rule over!”

            “What?” Emma scowled. “He’s a good listener! I don’t have anyone else to talk about this stuff with.”

            “How did your, ex, Neal, feel about your association with the Evil Queen?” Kronk asked, now interested. His bronzed, bulky shoulders glistened impressively as he leaned forward. It was hard to decide what was cuter, his sincerity or the derpy look on his face.

            “Oh, well,” Emma ignored Yzma and resumed spilling her private thoughts to Storybrooke’s newest interlopers. “We had to work on him. He couldn’t accept the fact that Regina was our son’s mother for a while. He used to complain that my relationship with her was weird and it made him uncomfortable. Things had gotten pretty bad between us by then. I really wanted to see if it could work but it just wasn’t like it used to be when we were kids. Instead of boosting cars and taxing walmart supercenters we had to be responsible parents.”

            Kronk nodded solemnly as Yzma rolled her eyes. Emma sighed again, but this one was a breathy sigh of suppressed longing. “She gets under my skin. Sometimes when my phone rings and I see its her, my heart races and I get so excited. Even if she’s just bitching at me about something I sit there on the phone with a big, dumb grin on my face. It’s pathetic. She’ll walk into a room and I start babbling like an idiot.”

            “Aaaawww!” Kronk cooed in his gravely voice.

            “Oh, bleeding hearts of the world unite!” Yzma groaned. “Enough of this. I need to return to my lab!”

            “For the last time, Yzma, your lab is not here!” Emma protested.

            “Kronk!” Yzma shouted, ignoring the blonde. “Pull the lever!”

            “For Gods’ sake, don’t pull the—

            Kronk obediently pulled the first “lever” within his reach. Yzma’s hospital bed flapped wildly as it adjusted automatically. “Wrong lever!” she squawked. Kronk hurried to turn the bed off.

            Emma got to her feet. “Anyway, thanks for the intell and the ear folks. I’ll come visit again in a few days.” She left Yzma’s room, confident that she at least had some of the information she needed. As she exited the nursing home and headed towards the bug, she dialed the mayor’s office.

            The receptionist transferred her to Belle’s direct line. “Emma!” Belle greeted her warmly. “Any news?”

            “Well, from what I gather, Kronk and Yzma were trying to banish their emperor, Kuzco, to a land without magic so Yzma could usurp him. Their plan backfired because, frankly, they’re idiots. They ended up here instead. Yzma’s spell made that portal open in Cali and it caused a ripple effect on all the magical hotspots like this one. I’m guessing that’s how the Pixies got through.”

            “I see,” Belle mused. “We’ll have to find a way to get Yzma and Kronk home before they cause any more trouble. Any idea what the Pixies want yet?”

            “Honestly Belle, I think they just want to raise Hell. Mab cares when she feels like it, and usually she doesn’t. Unsurprisingly she’s very taken with Regina.” 

“What I don’t understand is why it would be so catastrophic for them to coexist with us.”

            “Belle, they turned my dad into a dog. My mom thought it was cute at first but he ruined three of her throw rugs and he won’t stop humping the Captain Hook plush doll from Disney World that I got my little brother. It’s just getting weird.”

            Emma pictured Belle rubbing her temples through the phone. “Well, I’ve been reading up a bit on Pixie lore and it seems as though latent desire plays a big role in their particular brand of chaos. Otherwise, there’s no pattern. This is bad, Sherriff.”

            “Tell me about it. My dad closed that portal out west so that should hold them off for a little bit, but not much longer.”

            Belle encouraged her to keep investigating and something about how humpty dumpty had a big fall and landed on top of Sister Astrid, who now had a concussion. Her voice faded to a background buzz as the blonde’s thoughts turned to Regina. They often did.

* * *

_“These floating lights were not here before,” Regina said out loud. She was aware of a heavy gown and cape draped around her shoulders as well as a carpet of dried leaves underneath her feet. She spun around to survey her surroundings and found herself to be in a more trippy version of the enchanted forest. The trees and wildlife were in brighter colors than she remembered._

_One of the floating lights drifted near her face and she swatted it away impatiently. “Will-o-wisps,” she mused darkly. “This is Pixie magic and I am not amused. Mab, if you are here somewhere, floating around like some annoying buzzing pest know that I am very angry that you have decided to manipulate my dreams as a part of some undoubtedly vulgar prank.”_

_The wil-o-wisps and the forest were both silent. Grunting with annoyance, Regina began to trudge through the dead leaves. If this was a lucid dream of some kind, she was going to have to wake herself up somehow. That usually involved looking for danger._

_A grey deer—clearly an older buck, judging by the size of its antlers—jumped out from behind a bush and Regina stopped. It didn’t run away, as most deer did when they saw a creature on two legs, but rather stared at her._

_“Well?” Regina asked it impatiently._

_The buck blew air through his nostrils and began to trot away. Regina followed, as was custom when one saw magical deer in dreams. The two of them shuffled through the foliage for a while until they reached a clearing with a gently babbling stream. The stream had flecks of shimmering gold in it, but other than that it looked very familiar…_

_“I know this place,” she said aloud. The buck stopped to stand next to her as a younger version of herself, followed by Snow White at the age of eleven or twelve walked into the clearing from the opposite direction._

_“Oh, come on!” Regina said out loud in annoyance. Her other self and baby Snow White didn’t acknowledge her. Of course they were unaware of her presence, this being a dream and they in another dimension. She had a vague memory of what this was and it made her guts churn._

_“This is it Regina,” Snow said, looking up at her young step-mother with familiar eyes. “The place my mother used to take me to. She would read me stories right here in this spot.” Snow took young Regina’s hand and led her to a tree stump._

_“Did you want me to read to you Snow? We didn’t bring any storybooks.” Young Regina said, clearly unaware of the point of this venture._

_Snow shrugged. “No, that’s what me and her did. I wanted to show you so we could come up with our own stuff to do.” The girl awkwardly kicked the ground and looked at her feet. “I know me and Father haven’t been around much. He takes me out on his travels and I’ve no choice but to go, but I’d rather be with you… you have seemed sad lately.”_

_Regina felt her insides hollow out and her breath leave her throat. She was going to tear Mab’s wings off when she saw that annoying sprite if it was the last thing she did. Her younger self looked chagrinned. “Well… there’s no need for you to worry about that, Princess. Come here on this stump and sit on my lap.”_

_Young Regina took her seat and patted her knee. Snow couldn’t have looked more thrilled as she crawled up onto her lap and snuggled her step-mother, looking up at her with shining eyes filled with adoration that reminded Regina of…._

_Overhead, a pair of squirrels chased each other on some branches. “I wish I had brought along my bow and arrow,” Snow said as she looked up at them. “Father says I need to practice more.”_

_Young Regina frowned. “On a pair of innocent squirrels? Why kill a creature that has done nothing to you, Princess?”_

_Snow frowned. “They’re animals. We eat them.”_

_“Only when we must. We’ve lived too long in a castle filled with excess, you and I. You must put yourself in a creature’s shoes, Snow White. You must understand what it is like to feel so small in a world so big.”_

_Regina’s younger self only let the sadness show on her face for a moment before poking her step-daughter in the ribs playfully. “Why, when you come to understand the deer and the birds and the trees, you make yourself one with them and they will be your greatest allies in times of need.”_

_“Really?” Snow asked. “Can you teach me how? It can be our thing!”_

_Young Regina nodded. “Of course.” She called out softly to the squirrels in the trees and they both leapt down eagerly to the two young humans. “Just remember to be gentle, Snow White…”_

_Regina as the observer rolled her eyes dramatically. “My Gods, what a display of foolishness. To think I was once that idiotic young woman. I had never realized before now how much of Snow White’s simpering idealism is my fault. Yet another apology I owe the citizens of the Enchanted Forest.”_

_The grey buck standing next to her seemed to give her an exasperated look before the two visions of Snow and Regina’s younger selves dissolved and turned into swarms of wil-o-wisps that began to reform into separate beings. One cluster swirled into long strands of blonde hair. “Emma!” Regina felt her face flush and her eyes brighten at the sight of her lover. She was wearing a simple pink cotton dress with her sword strapped to her hip and her golden hair curled in that princess style that looked so good on her._

_The other wil-o-wisps turned into their son. He looked as handsome as ever with his hair tucked in his favorite beanie that matched a dark blue tunic. Regina tapped the buck on it’s furry shoulder and pointed at him happily. “My baby boy. Isn’t he adorable?”_

_The buck gave her another ironic look._

_These apparitions were apparently aware of her presence, unlike their previous forms. Emma smiled and crooked her finger, indicating that Regina should come closer. “Get your royal ass over here and give mama bear a kiss,” she said with a sultry wink._

_Regina couldn’t stop herself from smiling back. “You know I’d love to, dear, but you’re not Emma. Unfortunately, you’re an apparition created by wil-o-wisps and this is a trap. It’s a lovely trap, though.”_

_“Of course she’s Emma, mom!” Henry piped up cheerfully. “Come for a hike with us in this stream. I bet the water feels great.”_

_Emma smile was replaced with a frown. “No, no. She’s right Henry. We aren’t real. But she is. You should look at yourself, Regina.”_

_“Why, am I—_

_Regina felt her horror swallow her words in her throat. She was dressed in a black corset and a long dark gown. Her hands were covered in blood the same shade of crimson as her long, carefully manicured nails._

_“N-n-no. This isn’t real. This isn’t me anymore. I’ve put this behind me. Emma, I’m done with this! It’s me, Regina!”_

_The blonde cocked her head at her sadly. “Is it? I thought that other woman that was here earlier was Regina. What did you say she was? A fool? A simpering idealist?”_

_“You don’t understand!”_

_“But I do, baby. I understand you more than anyone. Isn’t that right, Henry?”_

_The boy nodded solemnly. “She’s got a point, mom. Ma’s always had your number.”_

_Regina put her face in her hands and got blood all over her cheeks. “No, no,” she moaned as she felt tears fill her eyes. She turned desperately to the buck. “Take me away from here.” She begged._

_The buck looked at her sadly before he too dissolved into a hive of wil-o-wisps. After a moment it wasn’t a buck but her once one and only love. Daniel’s formerly kind eyes filled with pain as he looked at her. “I wish I could, my love.” She wanted to reach out to him, touch him, but found herself rooted and unable to move. “All I ask of you is to remember what I said. That true love is the greatest magic of all.”_

_“But love is weakness,” Regina whispered miserably._

_“No, Regina, it’s not. It’s strength.” Emma corrected her._

            Emma’s words buzzed in her ear as she woke up with a gasp. She frantically raised her hands and found them to be blessedly clean. There were no traces of blood on her hands or face and she was wearing her silk nighty instead of one of her old Evil Queen get-ups.

            “Mab!” she shrieked.

            A mini ‘what?’ sounded from somewhere in her room and a moment later Mab appeared. She was wearing a black leather dominatrix outfit and was carrying a whip. There was what looked like a tiny cigar in her mouth. Regina didn’t even bother to ask. “Come with me!” she snapped. “We’re going for a ride.”

* * *

 

            Emma’s phone kept buzzing and wouldn’t stop. She knew it wasn’t time to get up yet but it wouldn’t shut the hell up. Furious, she grabbed it from the charger and barked, “Whoever this is, it better be damn good because it’s two in the fucking morning and I fell asleep an hour ago.”

            A fit of giggles and then a petulant whine. “But Emmmaaaaaaaa! I’m your mommy and you have to come get me because you came from my tummy!” Another round of giggles.

            Emma shot up in bed. “Ma?! What the actual fuck? Are you drunk?”

            “Sssssshhhhhh, don’t tell anyone,” Mary Margaret giggled. “But I did a naughty and Ruby says I should leave soon.”

            “Oh my God,” Emma groaned, rubbing her face. “Where are you?”

* * *

           

            When she got to the White Rabbit and found her mother dancing on the bar in nothing but a miniskirt and a crop top, she blamed exhaustion for the fact that she whipped out her phone and recorded it. Or perhaps she had lost her mind, because this behavior was so unlike Mary Margaret that it was frankly alarming.

            The White Queen grabbed a fork from the bar and began to use it as a microphone. “It’s time to tryyyyyy defyyyying gravityyyyy!” She wailed. “I think I’ll tryyyy defying gravityyy!”

            Deciding that she’d had enough, Emma pocketed her phone and shoved away two men trying to stuff dollar bills up her mother’s skirt. “Ma!” She yelled. “Get down from there!”

            “Emma!” Mary Margaret squealed happily. She squirrel dove off the bar and since most everyone who’d gathered round yelled and ran off, she landed on Tinkerbell.

            “Tink!” Emma shouted, and frantically pulled her mother off of the fairy, who lay motionless on the ground. Mary Margaret fell over and leaned against a bar stool like a lump. “Are you all right?” Emma poked the fairy anxiously. If she sustained any injuries because of Mary Margaret, Regina was going to kill her.

            “I’m fine,” Tinkerbell muttered, getting to her feet. “Your mother called me looking for Regina. She said she couldn’t get through to her, or, you know, she was just being ignored.”

            “Thanks for coming,” Emma sighed. “Any idea what’s going on here?”

            Tinkerbell frowned. “Pixies, I’d imagine. Their presence is beginning to take its toll on the citizens of Storybrooke. I’ve heard about strange dreams and the other day the mayor told me she found Ruby waiting for her in her bed, naked.”

            Shell-shocked, Emma looked at her mother on the floor. She was drawing penises on Keno cards and giggling. “So this is Mary-Margaret’s alter ego? I’m never gonna live this down.”

            She and Tinkerbell steadied themselves and got Snow up off the floor, though it took some effort. “Ma, who’s at home with Leo?” Emma asked.

            “Who?”

            “Leo! Your son! My brother? Remember?” Emma shook her shoulder a little.

            “Oh, yes! Your dad is with him.”

            “Ma!” Emma shrieked. “My dad is a dog!” She turned to the fairy in a panic. “Will you take her home, Tink? I’ve got to go check on Leo and my dad.”

            Tinkerbell nodded and Emma teleported herself to her mother’s living room. “Leo!” she shouted. “Leo, it’s your big sister, where are you?”

            The toddler waddled into the living room, a huge grin lighting up his face as he caught sight of his hero. Charming waddled into the room after him, barking joyfully. “Hey kiddo!” Emma smiled down at him. “Everything ok here?”

            “Yep,” he grinned up at her and Emma gathered him up in her arms. “Where’s mommy?”

            “Mommy’s fine, she just had to go, um, run some errands, but big Sis is here now. Have you had dinner or a bath?”

            “No, daddy and I had kibble and licked ourselves.”

            “I see. I guess I’ve got to make you something to eat and put you to bed, huh?”     By the time Emma had fed, bathed and put Leo down, Tinkerbell finally returned with her mother, who was stumbling and crying. “I’m so s-s-s-s-sorry Emma. I tried t-t-t-t-to find Regina too, but she’s a meanie and she didn’t pick up the phone.”

            “Probably because she was sleeping,” Emma pointed out dryly.

            “B-b-but I was mean to you and her. If she’s your true love, Emma, then you, then you, then you go get her!” she slurred and pointed dramatically in no direction in particular and fell over.

            Tinkerbell hauled her to her feet again and gave Emma a look. “I’m going to put her to bed.”

            Emma nodded and went to check on Leo again, who was almost asleep. She sat on the bed with him for a few minutes and stroked his hair. At first she didn’t know how to feel about having a sibling. It wasn’t just that she felt like he was replacing her, she felt almost jealous of the fact that Snow and Charming would get their wish and raise a baby, but she would never get the same with Henry. But it didn’t take long for Leo to worm his way into her heart. He was a Charming, after all.

            “Emmy,” he said sleepily. “When is daddy gonna stop being a puppy?”

            “Honestly, I’m not sure, Kid. But big Sis is working on it.”

            He fell asleep after that, and Emma met Tinkerbell in the hallway. She shook her head woefully at the fairy. “I’ve got to get these Pixies out of my town.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Regina liked her solitude. At one point loneliness had nearly engulfed her but now she was used to it. Besides, she was a misanthrope at heart—probably a result of her isolated childhood but she had little use for such inane pop psychobabble. She was who she was and that was that as far as she was concerned, but riding out in the woods on Cloud was her special time to clear her head.

She would sometimes let her mind wander aimlessly and it often drifted through the details of her unnaturally long and complicated life. She would think of her parents, Daniel, Robin Hood. It was melancholic but superior to the rage, hatred and terror she'd felt during her time as the Evil Queen.

What was a little bit of melancholy anyway?

Today she found her musings drifting elsewhere and she guided Cloud's hooves to their destination: the Pixie Grove. She sat on her horse and stared at it, a flurry of emotions engulfing her and causing the air around her to cackle with strange, ancient magic.

"Careful, Queenie. Need I remind you that this is a sacred site?" Mab had been blissfully silent until now and sounded unusually serious.

"Was it your vile brethren that made me have that dream?" Regina asked, looking up at her, brown eyes narrowed.

The impish creature shrugged. "Chaos exists for a reason, Queenie. It is often the only path to truth." Regina rolled her eyes as Mab droned on. "Your problem is that you have to be in control all the time."

"I all ready have a therapist, Pixie Queen. One is enough."

Mab's lip curled. "That cricket is an amateur." Her butterfly wings shimmered against the night sky as she flew directly in front of Regina's face. The dark witch's eyes widened, too surprised to seize the opportunity and cause Mab bodily harm as she normally would have. "Did you ever notice how much Henry looks like Snow White?"

"WHAT?"

Mab puffed on the cigar in her mouth, which was suddenly lit. "No wonder you felt such an attachment to the boy right away. It probably was an instinctual thing. Ironic that it was the dreaded Snow White's grandson who captured your black heart, and her daughter who has your love now."

"Shut up…" Regina whispered murderously. The creature's words were causing a ringing sound to buzz in her ears that was slowly building into a deafening roar.

"Now, now. You musn't be too hard on yourself, Queenie. You were what… eighteen or nineteen when you became Queen? Much to young to be a mother, if you ask me. Teen Mom 4: Fairy Tale Edition! You were no more ready for motherhood than Emma was when she had Henry."

"SHUT UP!" The trees shook with Regina's fury. Her head felt like it was going to explode.

Mab laughed so hard her cigar almost fell out of her mouth. "It was nice of you to give Emma her happy ending when you cast that counter curse to stop Pan. Too bad it wasn't real, like she said. Why, if she had kept the boy in her true reality, she'd have raised him in the backseat of that bug—turning tricks and shaking her ass on a stripper pole to get diapers and formula. "

The pixie began to wiggle her hips and sing an old hip-hop one hit wonder from the 90s. _"What would you do if your little Prince was at home? Crying all alone on the bedroom floor, cuz he's hungry! And the only way to feed him is to sleep with some ogres for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone! Somewhere with Pinocchio now, in and out of—_

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Regina screeched and grabbed Mab, squeezing the little creature in a fit of rage.

Mab laughed maniacally in Regina's hand and barely flinched. "Go ahead and kill me if I'm wrong, Queenie. Deep down you know it's true: you're Emma and Henry's savior and it drives your evil ass crazy because it means you've always loved Snow White!"

Regina breathed heavily for a few moments before angrily flinging the pixie at a nearby tree. Mab righted herself in midair casually before colliding and dusted off her leather bodice. "Speaking of the Forest Queen," she continued as though nothing had happened. "She's been trying to call you."

Grumbling, Regina fished her phone out of her pocket and stroked Cloud's mane to calm herself. If she didn't get a grip she was going to end up destroying the entire forest.

Seven missed calls from Snow White and a video message from Emma with the subject line: "call me." The brunette opened it and became still as she watched Mary Margaret dance provocatively on the bar of the White Rabbit in a go-go outfit, dollar bills from various Storybrooke residents floating around her feet. "My god," the former Queen muttered. "I've seen some terrifying things in my days, but this is the stuff of nightmares."

"I'll say," Mab agreed with a snicker, flying behind Regina's shoulder to watch with her. Her guts boiling with unidentifiable emotion, Regina accessed her call log and dialed Emma.

"Where the Hell are you?' the blonde growled as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Never mind that," Regina retorted curtly. "What was the meaning of that horror movie clip you just sent me?"

"Pixies! What else?" Emma snapped. "I need a day off from all this shit. You, me and Henry are going riding and having a fucking picnic tomorrow afternoon. No arguments!"

"Very well, Princess," Regina sighed. Lately she was more inclined to let Emma call the shots on these mundane matters since the older woman was usually in control in the bedroom. "What would you like to eat for this picnic?"

"Surprise me," the voice on the other end of the phone replied before lowering to a purr. "What are you wearing?"

"You're like a switch. And you call me crazy?" Regina rolled her eyes. "I'm not wearing anything special."

"Then talk to me in another language again, _Senorita._ Remember on Tuesday when I ate your box under the counter at the Pawn Shop and you got so turned on you made me take you to the sleaziest room in Granny's B&B? I made you squirt like a sprinkler and you started speaking in Spanish or something."

"Caribbean Spanish," Regina replied, her body flushing and her breath catching in her throat as she too recalled the sordid incident. It was the first time that had ever happened. "I'm… in this land my heritage is primarily Puerto Rican. I had no idea I was able to speak another language. I suppose the curse probably gave me the ability to access my native tongue subconsciously."

"Yeah, well it was really hot," Emma said thickly. "You're so sexy. How about some phone sex, _mami?_ That would be, uh… _muy caliente,_ no?"

"I'm hanging up now," Regina said quickly and ended their call. She squirmed in Cloud's saddle, resisting the urge to masturbate right then and there. The Pixie Grove's flowers and plant life hummed and wiggled with her arousal and she had to take another few moments to calm down again.

"This is a disaster! Why is this happening to me?" She whined to no one in particular. "Everyone I love falls into misfortune. My father, Daniel, Robin Hood… my own son will suffer an eternity as the Lord of Darkness." She felt her eyes fill with tears. It was all too much. "Oh, Mab. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Why her? Not Emma, please not her! I need her, Mab! Who will stop me from being an evil lunatic if she isn't around?"

The waterworks were flowing freely now. Cloud whinnied quietly in sympathy and she lowered herself against his back for support, weeping quietly. Above her, Mab cocked her head curiously. "So you admit that you love her?'

"I admit that you are endlessly annoying."

The Pixie Queen drifted down by Cloud's ear. "Time to take mom home, Sea Biscuit." The horse shook his mane and turned back towards the mansion with his mournful mistress still laying across his back.

* * *

Henry couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a pleasant Saturday. It was Regina's scheduled visitation time, but his other mother had shown up early in the morning, announcing that she could not bear spending the day at Mary Margaret's because she was currently paying Gepetto to paint a nude portrait of her.

Despite his grounding, he and Emma got along well and played guitar hero in the living room together like old times. Neither of them noticed Regina watch them fondly from the foyer for a few minutes, as they were both so into it that Emma was strumming with her tongue.

They went out for a ride later that day and Henry watched his mothers interact carefully. There was no real difference from how they always behaved around each other, save for the fact that their glances lingered even longer than usual. There was the same amount of snark, sass, eye rolling, teasing, bickering and one-upmanship between them.

"Well, thank you, Regina, for the most unsatisfying meal I have ever had in all of my days," Emma remarked as they completed their boringly healthy picnic of tea sandwiches, watermelon, hummus, celery and unsweetened iced tea in the back of his mother's backyard near the edge of the woods.

"And thank you, Emma, for wearing the most ridiculously horrible outfit I have ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on," Regina shot back, eyeing Emma's torn grey jeans, timberlands, bright pink tank top and black and white checkered scarf with disdain.

"Hey Henry, did you hear that?" Emma asked their son.

"Hear what, Ma?"

"The sound of someone giving me sass."

Regina rolled her eyes and Henry snickered. "That is a pretty terrible outfit, though, Ma. Mom's right, you really should consult with someone before you leave the house in these get-ups."

"Sheesh," Emma muttered. "My own flesh and blood, turning on me."

"Yeah, yeah… uh, say moms… mind of I go exploring for a bit?"

Two sets of eyes, one moss green and the other liquid brown, turned to look at him uncertainly. "I won't go far," he promised. "And if any pixies show up I'll come right back. I'm not gonna let those idiots trick me again." Truthfully, he wanted to observe his mothers when they thought he wasn't around, so he could perhaps see for himself what was really going on between them.

Emma and Regina looked at each other in silent communication before turning back to their son. "All right," Regina said finally. "But be careful, and gods help you if you get into any more trouble, young man."

Henry nodded and trotted off into the woods. He scoped the area until he found a suitable tree. He was ashamed to admit that he had to use magic to climb it and find a suitable spot to spy on his mothers from, but sacrifices had to be made. Finding purchase on a branch that was high off the ground, he fished his binoculars out of his hoody and was pleased to find that he didn't have to strain much to hear them.

Through branches of trees and his telephoto lens, he saw that Emma had curled up into Regina's side and was resting her head on her shoulder. Regina's hand appeared to be resting on Emma's thigh. It was all very picturesque, he noted silently, the way the sun blazed gold and chestnut halos off of their respective heads.

"Thank God Mab decided to leave us alone today," Emma remarked. "Wonder what she's up to?"

"Nothing good, I'm sure." Regina replied in a low voice. The look on her face was one he barely ever saw on her. Everything was gentler and sweeter, and she settled her most dewy, puppy-eyed gaze on her Sherriff. Mary Margaret had once told him how Regina used to be when she saved her life, and he wondered if this was it.

"Say, Regina… are you happy?" Emma asked, a note of hope in her voice.

"I'm… well, I'm quite content, all things considered, Emma. I have my son's love, my fairy's friendship. Often I have had nothing, so that is enough. If there was one thing I learned from… Cora, it was to know when it was enough."

"Anything else you think you might have that you didn't before?" Emma suggested casually as she fiddled with the grass that poked out of the edge of their blanket.

"Well, you are slightly less annoying than you used to be, so there's that."

Emma seemed to consider her next words carefully, her mouth twitching with deep thought. "Well, I'd say you have my heart, Regina, but knowing you, you'd probably take it literally."

Henry barely heard Regina as she asked very quietly, "But doesn't Baelfire have your heart?"

There were several moments of silence between them. "What makes you think so?" Emma asked finally.

"I'm not sure, but I remember you giving Belle his watch before we went looking for the Fae Forest and it made me wonder."

"Look, Regina," Emma said slowly. "I'll always love Neal, but not because I want to be with him. He's my baby daddy, you know? You always have a connection with your baby daddy, be it romantic or not. Kind of like how you'll always care about me because I'm your baby mama."

"I suppose I know what you mean. There's something about first love. I still love Daniel to this day, even though he is long passed. He was the only friend I'd ever had before I met your mother."

"We're friends," Emma volunteered. "You and me, I mean. I've never said it before, but I've considered you a friend for a while. Except that recently…"

Henry rolled his eyes in frustration. Obviously Mary Margaret was right and they were each other's true love. If ever there were two women who were more guarded than these ones he didn't know them. And they called _him_ an idiot.

"Recently… I mean, in the past few years," Regina sounded as though her tongue was swollen and preventing her from speaking properly. "You haven't been… an entirely unpleasant part of my life. What I'm trying to say is… is that… well, you are very attractive, of course. In the old land they would have said you were all milk and honey. And… you have exceeded my expectations as a co-parent… and what I'm trying to say is that I… I…"

"Just say it, mom," Henry whispered. "Tell her how you feel."

"…That I absolutely despise bangs on you," Regina finished at last. Henry face palmed and almost lost his balance on the tree branch. "I don't know why you insist on changing your hair all the time when it was fine to begin with. You look particularly ridiculous when you put it up in that peppy high ponytail. It looks as though you plan on attending a drive-in movie in a poodle skirt with Danny Zuco and the thundercats."

Henry scurried out of his tree, exasperated. He had to interrupt this entire exchange before it got any more tragic. He arrived back at the picnic blanket just in time to see Emma on her hands and knees, smirking into Regina's face. "Well, you know what, Regina? I may be a lost girl but I think I just got lost in your eyes."

"Could you be any lamer, Ma?' Henry remarked as he plopped next to them on the blanket. His heart clenched as they sprang apart from each other, Emma's face turning crimson with embarrassment.

"Uh," she muttered. "Your mom and I were just about to…"

"Make out?" Henry suggested. He sighed. "It's fine. I want you guys to be happy. And for the record, I'm sorry I've been acting like such a creep lately." He looked away at the back of the barn so they wouldn't see the shame on his face.

"What do you mean, Henry?" Regina asked, feigning ignorance. She seemed to know that Emma wanted to avoid the subject of her and Henry's fights for the most part and never pushed the issue, but she wasn't stupid and had of course noticed the tension between them.

"It's just that I've been feeling really down lately," Henry murmured. "I wasn't lying when I said that tequila bottle wasn't mine. It was Hansel's, but I was hiding it for him and we were going to share it later."

"Yeah well, Mary Margaret can be a buzz kill like that," Emma retorted gruffly. She knew she should be angry about this almost infraction but she was frankly too relieved that the kid had some of her rebelliousness in him after all.

"I just feel so angry all the time, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing terrible things because I'm the Dark One. I keep remembering how I killed my own flesh and blood. Some hero I am, huh? That's probably the real reason Dad left. He saw me becoming Rumpel and it disgusted him." Henry's shoulders sagged and he stared at the ground, miserable. "Fairy Tales suck."

Regina and Emma both gaped at him in horror. "Henry, how could you ever say that?" Regina asked, stunned. "You are a hero. You saved us all from the wicked witch."

"And I don't ever want to hear you say that your dad left because of you ever again, kid. Do you understand me?" Emma added almost angrily. "He left because shit happens, and it's no one's fault, all right?"

Henry nodded silently. He wanted to cry but refused to let his tears fall. He was tougher than that.

"I think I know what will make my Little Prince feel better," Regina said with a broad grin.

"Yeah, I think I know too," Emma agreed mischievously.

"Oh no," Henry said, holding up his hands. "Hell no. Mom, Mama please! Ahhhh!"

He yelled as Emma shouted, "Let's get him!" and she and Regina both lunged for him. He made a show of resisting but allowed them to give him hugs and kisses—what the hell. They were good moms and if anyone saw him he could simply threaten them with some terrible curse in his Dark One voice.

They were interrupted by the sound of Emma's cell phone ringing. She grunted with annoyance and hoisted herself off of her son and his mother before taking the call. The glow of happiness on her face quickly changed to one of horror after listening to the hysterical sobs on the other end.

Mary Margaret was wailing so violently that Regina and Henry could both hear her. "Leo! Leo's dying!"

**I know that some Swanqueeners don't like M &M, so sorry if the Snowqueen in this chapter bothered you. I felt that it was necessary for the progression of the story. Also, um, I have a step-mother and she's nothing like Regina but, yeah--she partly raised me but we don't get along. I don't know what it is about Once that really gets to me. Must be all the family shit. Anywho, I hope you liked the swanmills family fun at the end. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and faves from the last chapter! Not sure how I feel about this chapter but I hope you like it.  
**

Regina and Henry insisted on coming with Emma to the hospital even though she was certain Snow was sounding a false alarm, but arrival into the emergency room proved that something was up.

Snow stood next to the hospital bed with tears streaming down her face. She was decked out from head to toe in _PINK_ from Victoria's secret and had her short pixie hair coiffed in a horrible Miley Cyrus updo. Charming shivered with anxiety inside her handbag. The sight rendered even Regina speechless, who merely stared at her former step-daughter with disbelief.

"What the hell is this?" Emma gestured to Leo, whom she would have mistaken for Henry if he wasn't standing right beside her.

He appeared to have aged ten years since she'd seen him a day ago. He wrinkled his nose at her, which seemed to be in the flux of early teenage acne. "Can you tell Ma to stop freaking out, Ems? I'm just going through a little growth spurt."

Regina scowled. "This is Pixie magic." She declared with certainty. Snow wailed and flew over to her, dropping Charming on the floor. She threw her arms around the former Queen's neck and sobbed into her shoulder.

"Wh-whale doesn't know what to do! He w-w-w-w-won't s-s-stop growing!" She howled. Every other person in the room froze, expecting Regina to hex Mary Margaret into growing an extra head at the very least. Charming whined and put his paw over his eyes.

Regina blinked and patted Mary Margaret's back awkwardly. "There, there… Snow. Emma and I will sort this out."

Emma and Henry gaped at the two of them. "Are we in the Twilight zone?" he whispered to her.

"Apparently," Emma growled. She felt her anger start to rise. No one messed with her little brother. "And I think I know who's responsible."

She gestured to Regina, who patted Snow's neck and came over to her. "We have to talk to Mab," she muttered. "This has gotten out of control."

The brunette shrugged. "I suppose so but it could be worse, don't you think?"

"Hey Ems, while you're at it, think you could convince Ma to let me have a Falcon?" Leo piped up behind her. "Henry has a horse, so I ought to be able to have a falcon, right? I'm gonna name him Archimedes and train him to steal hustler mags for me."

"I'm failing to see the bright side," Emma retorted.

She turned to Henry and put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, kid. Look after your uncle and your grandparents for a few minutes?"

The boy nodded and Emma dragged Regina out of the hospital room and into the hallway. She began to pace nervously. "This has got to stop. My mom is carrying my dad around in a Paris Hilton handbag and my four-year-old brother wants to look at nudie magazines. What's next?"

"Plenty more!" Mab appeared out of nowhere as she always did. "You should see what's all ready happening. It's hilarious! Your wolf deputy just arrested Ariel for shoplifting, Phillip is heartbroken because he just walked in on Mulan and Aurora… and then there's the Prides!"

"The Prides?" Emma knew of them. They were an African immigrant family that ran Storybrooke's post office.

Mab chortled. "Let's just say… their boy Simba is gonna be a might king."

"There are live lions running around my town?" Emma raged.

"Relax, Savior. They're pretty docile at the moment. Just had their lunch so they're taking a snooze. Let's just hope they're not hungry when they wake up."

Regina put her hand on the blonde's shoulder. She could no doubt feel Emma's anger rolling off of her in waves. "What's wrong with Leo, moth?"

"Nothing! He just wants to be big and strong like his sister Emma, that's all. Such a sweet, simple boy. Pity he'll keep growing until he's an old man and shrivels up and dies. I give him two days, three tops."

Emma bared her teeth furiously, "You change him back or so help me, Mab, I'll find a way to eviscerate you if it's the last thing I do."

"Who sounds like an Evil Queen now?" Mab chuckled. "Did I not warn you that there would be consequences to bringing steel into my forest? I wouldn't change your brother back even if I could, Savior."

Emma felt like she was going to explode and was relieved when Regina took over. She herself was too angry to get anywhere with the trickster who liked her brunette lover better anyway. "Tinkerbell told me that the only way to stop all this was to close the portal—which means destroying the Pixie Grove," the former Mayor said tersely.

"Indeed," Mab replied. "And I can assure you that if you don't destroy it soon all this will pale in comparison to what will happen when my loyal subjects do break free. It's only a matter of time."

"You must tell us how to close the portal then, so we can atone for defiling the Fae Forest," Regina tried. "Let us resolve this so Leo's life can be spared."

"Ah, you know how I enjoy irony," Mab sighed happily. "An Evil Queen who once plotted the death of her King now bargains for the life of his grandson and heir. Is that what this is, Queenie? Are you asking for the Mab's help?"

"Yes," Regina replied through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you Queenie."

"I need your help, Mab," Regina said, a little louder this time.

"Louder, Queenie!" the Pixie Queen sang. "I want all the creatures in all the realms to be able to hear you!"

"I NEED YOUR HELP MAB!" Regina bellowed, irritated. Several passing nurses turned to stare at them before continuing on their rounds. The residents of Storybrooke were too used to Regina's antics to be fazed by seeing her shout at a Pixie.

"Much better," Mab smiled. "Very well, I'll tell you how to destroy the Grove. Sadly, it's going to cost you."

"Name your price, moth," Regina hissed.

"Why an innocent life, your majesty. What else?"

* * *

It took some doing, but Henry finally convinced them to go home to 108 Mifflin St. He promised to take care of the Charmings while Emma and Regina sorted out their next move. The blonde had felt her heart swell with pride for their son. She didn't know what she'd do without him or where she would be. The minute that goofy kid had walked into her life all those years ago on her 28th birthday nothing had ever been the same.

And the woman who was currently making her soup had a lot to do with it. Emma sat at the counter in silence, admiring Regina's firm, shapely backside. The woman was a regal, neat tornado of indecipherable chaos and it was only fitting that the creatures of such had brought them together this way.

Since meeting her Emma had seen so many versions of Regina Mills. At first she'd been nothing short of a psychopath. Remnants of the Evil Queen had dominated the first year of their interaction but she had slid slowly back into sanity ever since. All to redeem herself and get her son back—only to lose it again for a period of time after Robin Hood. But much of the malice had faded away and she seemed to become a snarky shell of her once grand and terrible self. But the Regina that stirred homemade vegetable soup in silence, sincerely trying to comfort Emma in the best way she knew how—that was the real Regina. The real Regina was the woman who had shouted for Mab's help a few hours ago—who sometimes looked at Emma with dewy innocent doe eyes that made her heart melt—and the blonde could no longer deny that she was head over heels in love with her.

"I hope you know, I'm going to be the one to take that innocent heart," the Sheriff announced, breaking their still reverie. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself again by using dark magic."

Regina didn't even turn around. "Yes you will."

"No, I won't," Emma countered. "And that's final."

"Pig-headed declarations do you no good here," Regina replied calmly, still not turning around. "In this I won't bend or compromise. It would hurt me more to see you darken your own heart. I'm far too used to evil to be bothered by hurting others at this rate."

"Liar," Emma growled. "I don't buy that for a second. You don't have to protect my heart anymore, Regina. You've paid for your mistakes."

"I have not. I could never properly atone for what I've done—the lives I've taken, the families I've torn apart. Darkness is my burden to bear and I've accepted it."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Drama queen."

"What was that, dear?"

"Nothing." She could see that she wasn't getting anywhere and while Regina had her back to her and her face wasn't visible she knew exactly what expression she wore. She could feel the older woman's sorrow as though it was her own. It felt unbearable—their love and magic bonded them now and the heaviness in Emma's shoulders begged to be released.

She slid off her stool and moved to stand behind the brunette. She wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her face in silky dark hair. Regina stiffened but the weight lightened considerably.

"Only patient Saviors get dessert, Miss Swan." There was that deep, husky voice that made Emma weak in the knees. She tightened her grip on Regina's waist to maintain her balance.

"You haven't called me that in a while, Madame Mayor."

Regina turned the stove off and spun around. She brushed a few stray blonde hairs away from Emma's face and rubbed her thumb lightly across her lower lip. Emma's eyelids grew heavy with the pleasure of the sensation and her lashes fluttered.

"I suppose it was a Freudian slip," Regina purred. "I find myself going over the years we've known each other, trying to understand how it is that I could feel this way again."

Emma's gaze drifted from smoldering obsidian eyes to blood red lips. She noticed, not for the first time, the ridiculously sexy scar above Regina's top lip. She'd always wondered where it came from but never asked. She suspected Cora had something to do with it. She'd met enough abused kids in the foster system to recognize the bearing of someone who had once been their caregivers' punching bag. Knowing Cora, it had probably been some sinister spell.

On impulse, she leaned forward and kissed it, appreciating Regina's shiver as she gently slid the tip of her tongue over the indentation in soft skin. The pit of her stomach burned and she took the entire plump top lip in her mouth and sucked aggressively. Regina moaned loudly and pushed her hand against her chest, forcing them to separate. "We could always skip dinner and go straight to dessert if you're amicable, Miss Swan."

Emma nodded breathlessly and felt herself being dragged upstairs amidst an assault of buttery soft kisses.

* * *

Emma wasn't a selfish lover but she had never been so attentive as she was that night. She took great care with every inch of Regina's body, leaving marks on her most sensitive areas, drowning her with wet kisses that made the brunette shake all over. Against the wall, on the floor, upside down, gently roughly—no surface in her bedroom nor position was left unturned. It was only after her fifth orgasm that the older woman was of a mind to retaliate.

She tied Emma to the bed with a binding spell. The blonde shivered with delight as vines wrapped her wrists together on one of the bedposts. Regina hovered over her for several moments—tormenting and teasing with gentle strokes and kisses to each powerful hip before leaving a lipstick trail on pale, creamy thighs. Satisfied that her mouth was unpainted, she used it to make the Savior scream her name over and over again.

It went on all night until the sun peaked through her curtains. Regina purred like a satisfied kitten as Emma spooned her. She wasn't one for cuddling but in this case she was willing to make an exception. The blonde's family was in trouble again and for once it wasn't her fault.

Her sheriff began to stroke her clavicle tenderly and whisper sweet nothings in her ear as she grew sleepy with post-coital bliss. "Do you remember when I told you I would always save you?"

"Mmmm hmmm…" Regina murmured sleepily. She remembered, as though it was a lifetime ago, when she and her bedmate were loathed enemies and the frustrating Sheriff had pulled her from her burning mansion.

"I should have been better at keeping it. I'm not angry at you like I used to be. I've had a long time to think about it. Mary Margaret always wanted me with Neal… I thought maybe that was how I could really get my family back, but it turned out my family was here this whole time. If it wasn't for the Evil Queen, if it wasn't for you throwing my mother out on her ass and terrorizing her, she never would have met my dad. She'd have ended up like you—married off to some geezer prince or king who took his liberties with her whenever he wanted. I wouldn't exist and neither would Henry. You and I have been bound since the beginning and… I owe you my life."

Regina chuckled in her state of half-awakeness. What a ridiculous sentiment. "Silly Savior," she mumbled.

Emma tickled her and she couldn't stifle her giggle. "Silly Evil Queen. I don't know or care whether this is true love or fate or just us two really sexy ladies having a good time. What I am sure of is that I love you and it's as simple as that."

Regina felt her insides melt into a puddle. This happiness that she hadn't felt in eons was too good to be true. It couldn't be real. This was a dream she would wake up from any minute now.

"What I mean to say is," The blonde continue to ramble softly in her ear "…that our son was right to have faith in you. He really does have the heart of the truest believer. He's so much better than me, so much smarter and that's all on you because you raised him and gave him so much. It's time I believed in you too, Regina. Which is why I hope you can forgive me for this."

Brown eyes snapped open in surprise, but it was too late. Emma stroked her clavicle one last time and the sedation spell was complete. Regina drifted off into unwilling, dreamless sleep.

* * *

She was snapped awake god only knew how much later and her fury over being magically drugged by Emma rushed at her like a freight train.

What was worse, she had somehow been turned into a llama. She stared down at her bedroom floor in horror and saw her hooves pawing anxiously at the carpet. Whipping her long neck around, she saw an extremely old woman who was scary beyond all reason watching her with puzzlement. "What have you done to me?" Regina howled. She saw her own reflection in the mirror and nearly passed out again. "My beautiful face!"

The old woman was in a hospital gown and wore an Aztec headpiece that covered most of her head. "It was my mistake. I'll change you back if you wish. You make an ugly llama."

She fished a potion out of her hat and Regina was somehow able to snatch it from her with one of her hooves. She drank it, cringing at the bitter taste, and quickly changed back to her normal self.

She was still naked.

"Oh my," the old woman said, her eyes gleaming as she took in Regina's lithe form. Furious, the brunette flicked her wrist and in a cloud of purple smoke she was quickly clothed in a grey sweater and black slacks.

"What do you want with me you perverted old hag?" Regina spat.

The woman shrugged. "I'm the Empress Yzma from the land of Kuzco. Your woman has kidnapped my henchman, Kronk, and I fear he may be in danger."

Regina's heart sank in horror as she realized what Emma must be doing. "Tell me, is your man of a good heart?" she barked at Yzma.

Yzma smiled, showing a large piece of spinach stuck in her teeth. "Eh, I suppose so. He's rather dim-witted but can't really perform the necessary evils that are required of him when it comes down to it. I only keep him on because he's my great-grandson."

"Come with me, Empress," Regina ordered and strode out of her bedroom. Yzma followed her out to her barn. The brunette felt a fresh wave of fury as she noticed that Cloud was missing from his stall. Emma had probably taken her stallion to prove some ridiculous point about being a white knight. Damn if she wasn't going to throttle that insufferable woman.

Regina quickly began to saddle up Euphoria. "I know where she has taken your kin," she told Yzma over her shoulder. "This steed is a quarter horse. Her endurance is lacking but she is the fastest mare in all of Maine. I require haste for this task."

"And you won't harm him?" Yzma asked.

Regina scowled. Emma had really done it this time. Had she not told her in no uncertain terms that keeping her heart pure was of utmost importance? Had she not been clear? Always she fell into the trap of not remembering her mother's words about love as weakness. Now this weakness might cost Henry his blonde mother as he needed her to be. She hopped on Euphoria and settled into the saddle. "I'll see to it that he is unscathed," she lied to the old woman.

She smacked Euphoria's haunches and the mare took off towards the woods. "Don't forget!" she heard Yzma call after her. "Pay attention to the squirrels! Kronk communicates with them!"

Why she had created this town in order to deal with these imbeciles for the rest of her days escaped her in moments like these. Euphoria dashed into the trail by Granny's diner and she directed the mare through the path she'd marked on their first trek to the fae forest. Wind whipped at her face and tree branches smacked her sides as they raced through the woods but she didn't care. She felt her anger growing the closer to the Pixie Grove she got.

How could Emma do this? She'd been tempted by evil before and Regina had stopped her then too, warning her about the pitfalls of straying from the path of righteousness. Henry did not need two evil mothers.

_And of course, she wouldn't be your Emma if she went through with this…_

Strange, mocking faces with red hair were starting to peer at her through the trees. She shook herself and tried to ignore them. The Pixies seemed to be breaking free and her vision blurred and swayed and made her angrier. She tried to breathe and stay focused but it wasn't working. Rage and black magic boiled in her fingertips.

"Squeak… squeak squeakin…" The Evil Queen halted her horse and listened to the distant voice speaking jibberish.

"Oh my God, can you get on with it? Kronk, you cannot talk to squirrels." It was Emma speaking. Regina could see her standing with a hulking bronze man in the distance. Her red jacket was like a beacon and provided absolutely no camouflage.

"He says the Pixie grove is right next to us."

"Okay, Kronk. Let's say you really can talk to squirrels. How do I know Twiggy over here isn't, um, like a Pixie spy or something and he's helping us stay lost?"

Regina inched her mount closer as quietly as she could.

Emma grunted. "God, listen to me. I hate you all so much."

"Squeak squeak squeaker…" There was the faint sound of a chattering squirrel and Kronk spoke again. "He says Pixies don't mess with the innocent creatures of the forest, because they have no pride."

"Fine, whatever. Have your pal lead us to our destination."

Regina could see Emma clearly now, looking magnificent as she stood next to Cloud, who tossed his white head arrogantly. The brunette tied Euphoria's lead to a tree and followed Emma and Kronk deeper into the woods as if in a trance. She wished she could see Emma's face and wondered if she fully comprehended what she was about to do.

The blonde led Kronk into the bright clearing that was the Pixie Grove. The brute chattered his thanks to the squirrel, who disappeared. Regina could see her face now. It was mournful, and the sight set her blood on fire.

Emma bent down to one of the rows of black and white roses and picked one. She tenderly tied the stem around her wrist, ignoring the blood that trickled down from the thorns. "Kronk," she said said slowly as she turned and raised her hand, her forest green eyes moistening. "I'm really sorry about this."

She reached for Kronk's burly chest. Regina teleported in front of her in a could of purple smoke. Emma froze, her eyes widening in fear.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Savior?"

"Look, I can explain," Emma said, raising her hands. "Hear me out."

Regina waved her hand and Emma went flying back and crashed into a tree. "Fuck!" she shrieked, crumpling to the ground in a heap. "What the actual fuck, Regina?"

"You—IDIOT!" Regina fumed. "Have you not learned anything about dark magic?" She turned to Kronk. "Unlike this fool, I am not sorry for what I'm about to do."

She reached for his chest, all ready anticipating his glowing, throbbing heart in her grasp. It had been so long since she'd given into this. So long since she'd felt such raw power coursing through her. She felt more in control than she had in years.

"Regina, stop!" Emma shrieked from behind her. The blonde's pale hand grabbed her wrist and tried to pull it back.

Kronk stood and watched them dumbly, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Emma, you said there was a mutka's through the portal here. I thought we were getting something to eat?"

Regina shoved Emma off angrily and the blonde staggered back again. She raised her hand and a brilliant ball of fire erupted in between her fingers. "Do you want to see what this will do to you? Do you want to see what your queen can do, Savior?"

Emma was clearly angry now too, as her lost girl scowl was causing her nostrils to flare. "I know what my Queen can do. She screws my brains out and then can't even admit that she loves me!"

Kronk blinked. "This is the weirdest lover's quarrel I've ever seen."

Regina threw her fireball at the blonde angrily. Emma swooped her fingers and a wall of ice erupted in front of her. Regina opened her palms and threw two more at the ice, which melted. "Because I don't love, remember? Love is weakness."

"Bull shit!" Emma shouted. None of them noticed the melted ice seep into the ground and wilt several bumblebee shaped flowers.

"Bull shit! Bull shit! Bull shit!" With every exclamation Emma haphazardly threw several balls of ice at Regina. The brunette sidestepped two but the third hit her shoulder and caused it to blister painfully underneath her shirt. She bared her teeth and advanced on the savior, raising her arms in supplication to the trees. Several vines snaked around Emma's ankles and rooted her her to the ground. "Dammit, Regina!" she yelled.

The brunette prowled up to Emma until they were nose to nose. Bright blue swirled in forest green eyes as Regina wrapped her hands around the Sheriff's throat. Behind them, more of the Grove wilted and Kronk scratched his head as Pixies began to peer at them through the trees.

"This deed that you would do, it would make you betray your own mother, kill your own brother under the right circumstances. Your mother struggles with darkness every day and is coddled so it won't consume her. But no one coddles the Savior, do they? The Savior doesn't get a day off, remember?" Regina tightened her hands around Emma's throat.

"I won't." Emma said, her eyes now clear, her voice confident. "And you won't."

"I will," Regina purred and tightened her fingers more. Emma wheezed. "I shall."

"No," Emma gasped. "I love you. You love me. Henry loves both of us. And I'm not giving up on you."

Regina blinked as her dark haze started to clear. Her head swam and she shook herself again, trying to keep from fainting. She flexed her fingers but couldn't squeeze Emma's neck harder.

"I believe in you." The blonde wheezed. "I won't break… my promise."

Regina felt her grip loosen ever so slightly. Her arms felt as though they were made of lead and grew heavier with every passing second spent staring into green eyes.

"We're family," Emma whispered. She leaned forward and kissed her.

Kronk yelled as the portal opened beneath his feet and swarms of Pixies twirled down into it. Emma yelled and pulled Regina away from the widening green hole in the ground. The vines around her ankles slid back away and she leapt forward and seized one of Kronk's shoulders.

"Arrrggghhhh!" Kronk yelled at the laughing Pixies. One of them grabbed his junk before doing a swan dive into the portal.

"Son of a bitch, you're too heavy Kronk!" Emma was desperately trying to maintain her footing but that portal was sucking her in. Regina strode forward and gripped Kronk's other shoulder. Most of the Pixies had dissapeared and a few stragglers watched as Emma and Regina dragged Kronk away.

None remained but Poison and Ivy, who ran up to Emma, smacked her in the boob, screamed "tit punch!" and ran through the portal with her companion, cackling.

"Ow! Shit!" Emma grabbed at her breast, grimacing. "Fucking pixies!" The portal closed at last, leaving nothing but ordinary woods behind.

The Pixie Grove was gone. The only piece of it that still remained was the black rose still tangled around Emma's wrist.

"Emma," Regina felt her eyes fill with tears. "I'm so sorry."

Emma grunted. "Don't be. Looks like Mab tricked us again but also sort of helped us in a fucked up, roundabout way." She grinned sloppily up at the older woman, who gave a dazzling, watery smile back. "We're good."

Kronk shook his head in amazement. "I don't know what just happened, but I'm glad for you two."

The Evil Queen held out her hand to the Savior, who took it and rose from the ground. "Come, dear. Lets go home."

**Aaaaannnndddd that's the end!**

**JK! Bwahahahaha come on y'all know I wouldn't leave you hangin' like that right? I'll post the epilogue sometime next week, hopefully.**


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: Miss me yet? My classes were cancelled because of snow (go figure) and I'm sitting here with my finger up my ass so I'm able to post this a little early for once.**

**This epilogue is pretty much fluff, and I did something with it that I'm not proud of. My beta would kill me if she knew…**

_Around eight months later…_

Regina wasn't the slumber party type but she was planning on asking Emma to move in with her. It wasn't an easy step for her to take and it wasn't something she knew how to do, so she called Tink over for cider.

The fairy was a known lightweight, however, and was three sheets to the wind after three glasses. Regina had to put her to bed in one of the guest rooms and return downstairs to mull over her thoughts alone. For once she didn't have another drink and almost wished Mab was around.

They had thought that the Pixie queen would leave after the portal closed but no such luck. Granted, she would still show up on occasion. Just last week Regina had been giving a presentation to Belle and the city council on zoning laws when her slide show turned into a porn video involving a necrophiliac with a leg fetish.

Why she hadn't killed the petulant moth yet evaded her. Perhaps she was more sentimental than she realized.

She let her feet carry her to the study, where she'd taken Emma for a drink on the night they first met. She stared into the fire, remembering how she'd thought the Savior was a cutie even back then, and didn't know how much time had passed when she heard Tinkerbelle scream.

"QUEENIE! HE'S GONNA EAT ME! HELP! HEEEEEEEEEELLLLPPPPP!"

Regina vanished from the fireplace in a puff of smoke and reappeared in her guest room, where Tinkerbelle was thrashing and screaming in bed while a huge white bird flew around the guestroom with what looked like a bundle in its beak. Feathers flew everywhere, ruining the pristine condition of her carpets.

The dark witch raised her hands, preparing to light a fire under the intruder's ass, but it turned its head towards her and looked at her for a moment with strange eyes. The bird gave her an almost human expression of relief before dropping the bundle on the ground and flying off through the open window.

"And stay out!" Regina huffed as she slammed the window shut. "Every day it's something! If it isn't an albatross in my house it's a pixie in my barn or elves pushing magical mushrooms outside my shop!"

"Queenie…" the green fairy's small voice whimpered behind her. The brunette turned and looked her friend over, checking for any sign of injury.

"Are you all right, Tink?"

The blonde seemed to forget her fear and hiccupped before grinning broadly at her friend. "Yes, I am. He wasn't here for me."

"Who?" Regina asked gently, assuming the other woman was babbling nonsense. "The bird?"

Tink only giggled. "Not just any bird. A stork." She pointed to the bundle it had dropped on the ground, which wiggled as though there was something alive in it.

"It's been centuries since I've seen anything like this," the fairy went on. "I don't know why I didn't think of it… I should have known! After all, you and Emma both have magic."

Regina felt Tinkerbelle's forehead. "Why don't you lay back down and I'll get you a glass of water? I'll deal with whatever reptilian horror no doubt awaits us in that bundle in a moment."

Tink only giggled again and jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "It's nothing horrible, believe me!"

"Okay, Tink…" Regina replied, patting her friend's cheek. She probably wasn't going to remember this in the morning. Fairies and pixies really were ridiculous when it came to alcohol. Raising her hands in a defensive posture, she slowly approached the bundle on the floor, which seemed to be making odd yet strangely familiar noises, and untied it.

Regina stared. "Oh my gods…"

* * *

"…So my goal here is to remind you all of what I see when I look out at the lot of you," Belle said proudly into the microphone at the podium. It was a ceremony marking the grand opening of a new park that she'd been working with Regina to build. This was her groundbreaking speech for the ribbon cutting ceremony if you wanted to call it that, and Ruby stood at her side, holding her hand.

Her wolf threw Emma a wink, and she returned it with a smile.

"I see people," Belle went on. "Not heroes, or villains, or fairies or dwarves or… ahem, pixies. I see human beings all working towards a common goal. We can move on from the past and build a new generation of families in this world who will never deign to assign roles to the unwilling. The children of our enemies will play together in this park and build a better Storybrooke for all of us."

Emma slung her arm around Henry's shoulder. "I wish mom were here to see this," he told her, grinning. "Where is she anyway?"

Emma shrugged. "No clue, kid. I thought she'd want to be here to see this too but I haven't seen her since yesterday."

Snow, who stood on her other side with Charming and Leo, piped up. "I got a text message from Tinkerbelle late last night saying she wouldn't be here but she didn't say why."

Emma frowned. Why had Tink texted her? It wasn't like Regina to miss an opportunity to make fun of Snow these days. After they sealed the Pixie portal everything went back to normal. Charming was human again, Leo was back to being a toddler and Snow was back to being a conservative, saintly schoolteacher. But Regina was unwilling to let Mary Margaret live down the time she'd acted like a trust fund baby: constantly making references, turning the Charmings' SUV pink, asking her when her sex tape was going to come out. The two of them were never going to come out and say that they loved each other, but Snow's lack of retaliation told the entire story.

"I think I'll go check on her," Emma said. "Tinkerbelle isn't here either, so she's probably at Regina's house with her."

The Sheriff left her son with her family and moved through the small crowd to get to her bug. Upon her arrival at her sweetheart's house nothing seemed out of the ordinary, so she strode into the front door like she always did these days instead of knocking. "Regina?" she called.

"We're upstairs!" Tinkerbelle could be heard shouting. Emma followed the sound of her voice to Regina's bedroom. Both of them were sitting on the bed and in between them…

"Is that… a baby?" Emma asked disbelievingly.

It didn't look to be more than a few weeks old. It lay on its belly and peered up at Emma with green eyes that were exactly like hers. There was a very cute shock of red-brown hair on top of its head.

"She looks like my mother, don't you think?" Regina said hoarsely, looking up at Emma with moist eyes. "But she's got your mouth, and my nose."

"Is that… is that OUR baby?" Emma gasped. She grabbed onto the doorframe and tried to keep from falling over.

"Yes," Tinkerbelle said and rose to her feet, clapping Emma's back in sympathy or congratulations, she didn't know which. "The stork delivered him last night."

"The STORK? Are you shitting me? I thought storks were just what parents told their kids about when they didn't want to talk about sex!"

The green fairy shook her head. "Gay sex, actually. Between witches or wizards." When Emma stared at her she elaborated. "In the enchanted forest, special children are born to same-sex couples, but only if both of them have magic. Such children are rare and very powerful."

For what seemed like ages none of them moved or spoke, except the baby who wiggled her legs around and babbled. A bit of drool dribbled down her chin and Regina absentmindedly wiped it off with her sleeve.

Emma ran her hands through her hair. "Well, we do tend to do things backwards don't we, Regina? It's usually fall madly in love, have a baby, get a divorce, loathe each other and then engage in a custody battle that unfreezes time. We just do it the other way around, right? I'm not saying we have to get married. I specifically remember you saying you'd sooner gouge your eyes out then get married again. But… if you'll have us, Henry and I should move in so we can raise this kid properly, don't you think?"

She walked over to the bed and picked the baby up. It gazed at her with her own eyes and Emma remembered the alternate universe Regina had sent her and Henry to when escaping Pan's curse, remembered how she'd felt when she held Henry for the first time.

The tears were sliding down her cheeks before she had a chance to notice they were there. She bounced the baby up and down and it grabbed a lock of her blonde hair.

"Your parents will be thrilled, don't you think Emma?" Tinkerbelle said. "You two ought to decide on a name. I'm going to go call them and get them over here."

She left Regina's bedroom and the brunette moved off the bed to stroke their child's cheek. "I say we name her Cora."

Emma snorted through her tears. "We're not naming our kid after your piece of shit mother. Not unless her middle name is Snow."

"We'll name her something else then, but Tinkerbelle will be her godmother. She's the only reason this child exists, after all." Regina replied, trying to sound sassy through her own tears.

"Agreed," Emma nodded. "What to name her, though?" She nuzzled the baby's cheek against her own as Regina rubbed her little back.

"How about Pumpkin?"

The two of them spun around. "Where have you been, Mab?" Regina asked crossly, looking up at the Pixie, who floated above their heads and out of their reach as always. The baby smiled and raised her little hands up, flexing her fingers as though trying to reach her.

"Aw, did you miss me Queenie?" Mab asked cheekily.

"Hardly, I've merely been feeling particularly passive lately and without you around there's nothing to drive me into a murderous rage. I'm quite at a loss," Regina sniffed.

"Ah, ah," Mab waggled her finger. "You've got a kid now, Queenie, and that's a big responsibility. Those crazy days of terrorizing the townspeople are behind you. Party's over, as they say."

"I think she's right and we should name the kid Pumpkin," Emma said.

"Seriously?" Regina raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her.

"Indeed, you should," the Pixie Queen replied. "After all she was conceived in the Pixie Grove when your fingertips met and you shared true love's kiss."

They took Pumpkin downstairs to the foyer and Mab followed, continuing her incessant chatter but neither Emma or Regina paid attention to her, too lost in their own world with the baby.

Henry and the Charmings arrived a few minutes after that. Snow had rivers of embarrassing, joyful tears streaming down her face and whenever she tried to talk nothing came out but gurgles. She held her arms out to Regina, who had Pumpkin pressed protectively to her chest. "What's that Snow?"

"I wenna see da baby an hold er an da ba baba so cute," Snow gibbled.

"Very well," Regina sighed, rolling her eyes and placing Pumpkin in her arms. "Do try not to get any idiot on her, though."

They all took turns passing the baby around and making silly faces at her and talking to her in stupid voices. Even little Leo had his turn before Emma handed her off to Tinkerbelle. "We're going to have Blue christen you as Pumpkin's fairy godmother," she explained to the other blonde, whose eyes filled with tears. "We owe you one, Tink."

"Oh, thank you Emma!" the green fairy said, her smile bright. "I'm so pleased. I'll teach her fairy magic, so she'll never be tempted by outside influences and can one day be a good and kind Queen to the future residents of… well, of wherever our kin or we are at that point due to something ridiculous happening. In any case, I assure you this child will be great."

Above them all, Mab groaned in disgust. "Gods, this is sickening. All this mushy crap gives me gas. I'll take it as my cue to return to my home in the Fae Forest at last."

"What?" Emma asked, looking up at the pixie in surprise. "You're leaving?"

"The Pixie Princess has been delivered, so I have no reason to remain." The Mab flew down to Regina's eye level and Emma moved to stand beside her protectively. "Queenie, I'll miss you most of all. You're not so evil for an Evil Queen." She turned to Emma. "And Savior, who says a thieving, trailer trash, no good ex-con can't be a hero? Let your story be a lesson of hope to losers everywhere."

She next flew to Snow, apparently doing a succession of farewells. "Snow White, your haircut is really stupid and sometimes it makes you look like Alfalfa from _the Little Rascals_ but you're a great gal and you're a lot stronger than people give you credit for."

"Thanks, Mab," Snow replied, smiling.

Mab fluttered her wings affectionately against Leo's cheek and he giggled before she floated to Charming. "Charming, you're an idiot and you make a better dog than a Winnebago."

Charming blinked and then smiled. "Uh… thanks?"

She then turned to Henry, and for the first time since they met her, she almost looked sad. "And Prince Henry… there's no excuse for what I tried to do to you. It won't make it right, but I plan to open my harem and let my love pets roam free. No more pixie dusting mortals for me. But it was fun while it lasted."

Henry smiled. "All is forgiven, Mab. You helped my moms. I couldn't be more grateful to you."

The Pixie nodded and rose above all their heads before turning to Tinkerbelle, who still held a wiggly Pumpkin in her arms. "You watch over that baby, Tink. She'll be important to our kind one day."

Tinkerbelle nodded. Henry turned to Emma and Regina. "Hey moms, can me and Leo take Pumpkin out to the backyard to play with the horses?"

Regina nodded. "Yes, but your grandparents are going with you to keep an eye on things and are well aware that if our baby is harmed their heads will soon be bronzed and mounted on the wall of our study. Isn't that right Emma, dear?"

"Sure is," the blonde responded menacingly. David and Mary Margaret rolled their eyes and disappeared with the children a moment later.

"And so they all lived happily ever after, thanks to the Pixie Queen, who has a suave, enigmatic kind of wisdom that you really don't see anymore. Not to mention she's ridiculously attractive and has the most stunning fashion sense of all the eras of the world—

"Will you shut the hell up, Mab?" Emma snorted. She turned to Regina and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I'm gonna go check on the baby. We'll talk more later." She looked up at Mab. "Wish I could say it's been a pleasure."

Regina watched her turn to leave and beckoned Mab over to her. "Will you do something for me Moth? Since you said you had gas?"

The Pixie grinned at her. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, Queenie. I like your style. Emmaaaaa!"

The blonde turned back around and looked up at the Mab in annoyance. "What now?"

Mab spun around in the air and unleashed an explosive, bean dip and onion style fart. Golden glitter exploded out of her bottom in a stream that she used to spell a sentence in magical dust.

_I love you Emma! (I guess) -Regina_

Tinkerbelle burst into tears, clearly overcome with the sweetness of it all. "You two are so stupid!" She ran out of the foyer, leaving the Savior and the Evil Queen alone with the Mab.

"Now I truly must be off," The Pixie Queen announced. "Don't hesitate to call on me if ever you have need of it. I will always come to your aid."

Without any fanfare, the Mab was gone just like that. It was strange but somehow fitting of her. Emma grinned at Regina. "I love you too. Any verdict on me and Henry moving in?"

"No, Emma," Regina said sarcastically. "I'm desperately in love with you and you're the mother of my children. You may NEVER move into my home."

Emma looked up at the glittery sentence Mab had left in midair. "We'll never have boring lives, will we?"

"I suppose not, dear."

Emma held out her hand for Regina to take. "So what do you say we go hang out with our new baby who is currently being watched by her literal fairy godmother and your former step-daughter who is also her grandmother?"

Regina took her hand. "Once upon a time I never thought I would say this, but I would love to go play with you and your mother."

**Yeah, sorry. I went there. To magic! Baby town. I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. It never got wildly popular or anything but I'm proud of it nonetheless and I have you as my readers to thank. Until we meet again!**


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